ByTom Chapman, writer at Creators.co
tweet: tomtomchap Warden of the North - bearded, tattooed and square eyed 'til the end
Tom Chapman

With more blood and guts than you could shake a pork kebab at, there was carnage and cannibalism over on #AmericanHorrorStory's sixth season. It was back to basics for the Roanoke chapter of #RyanMurphy's #horror masterpiece, and a good ol' ghost story with a non-family-friendly haunted house. With a body count higher than usual and literally no one making it out of the season alive, the characters are left wandering the astral plane as ghosts. Someone really should get Betelgeuse out to do some ghostbusting, but in the meantime, let's see how evil those Roanoke ghosts are — from Casper to Conjuring, who is who down on the farm?

Image: FX
Image: FX

Warning: Spoilers for the American Horror Story: Roanoke finale

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14. Priscilla

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 0/5 scary faces

Poor little Priscilla, the innocent soul of a child plucked too early. Thankfully Priscilla wasn't that tried and tested evil kid stereotype, and did what she could to protect newcomers to the house from the evil Butcher. Just like a normal girl, but trapped as a murdered child, all she wanted to do was play games with Flora and the other ghosts. As the season ended she finally got what she wanted as Adina Porter's Lee was the mommy she longed for. If there is one ghost incapable of murder, it is Priscilla.

13. Dr. Elias Cunningham

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 0/5 scary faces

Oh Elias, for a doctor, you really weren't that smart. He may have survived his arrows through the heart to live a little bit longer, but ultimately Elias became Polk chow thanks to the cannibalistic hillbillies. Dying on the property can mean only one thing: Elias would have undoubtedly become one of the ghosts of Roanoke. Given his helpfulness in life, you can only assume that the suave doc would have carried on his do-gooder ways in the afterlife. We saw him bond with Priscilla, so perhaps they spent their days making daisy chains?

12. The Vloggers

Image: FX
Image: FX

Fear Factor: 0/5 scary faces

What a meta take on the youth of today; more immersed in their technology than their will to survive. In a rare appearance from Taissa Farmiga, the kids were doomed from the start by only looking for their 15 minutes of fame. The ghosts got the better of them, and Sophie and Milo ended up as a human kebab BBQ thanks to a possessed Lee and that Roanoke tribe. As ghosts Milo and co. would probably be too busy seeing how many of their Facebook friends went to their funeral to commit any ghostly murders, we aren't too worried.

11. Ashley Gilbert

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 0/5 scary faces

Tiny little Leslie Jordan, well, he wouldn't hurt a fly. As the bowl-haired Cricket Marlowe he had his insides torn out, as actor Ashley Gilbert he met a porky demise. Ashley's only mistake was returning to the house, surely he would have learned from the "Return to Roanoke" massacre. You are your own worst enemy, but I guess Gilbert would spend most of the afterlife running scared from the other ghosts — no harm here.

10. The Spirit Chasers

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 0/5 scary faces

Breaking and entering, exploiting the house for their own gains, I get the impression that the Spirit Chasers crew were just idiots, but they would stop at nothing to get their scoop. After dying under a Butcher cleaver and a hail of arrows, the crew at least can now spend all of eternity trying to perfect that pseudo-psychic documentary. Saturn Awards ahoy!

9. The Roanoke Cast

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 2/5 scary faces

While they may seem all innocent, let's not forget we had an alcoholic, an egomaniac, and Shelby smashing Matt's head in — included in the bunch is also slimy Sidney the producer, and unhinged Mary Agnes Winstead. The Roanoke documentary ghosts would take up the majority of the house inhabitants, and given their complicated history with each other, some are sure to be pretty pi**ed off at living together forever. In life they were morally questionable, so it could go either way in death for the Roanokers. Don't forget there is also Lee, and no one knows if she is still possessed by the power of Scathach.

8. Edward Philippe Mott

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 2/5 scary faces

It looks like Edward Philippe Mott may not be the charismatic charmer that Evan Peters's performance made out. The homosexual homeowner and builder of the Roanoke house may have helped Shelby and Matt out of the house, but were they really telling the truth? Complete with glowing eyes and demonic roar, when "real" Mott arrived in "Return to Roanoke" he didn't look like he was helping anyone. Remember too that Mott locked his house staff in an underground bunker and left them to die. It isn't all powdered wigs and blowjobs in death you know — lurking down in those tunnels can drive a man mad.

7. The Hunters

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 3/5 scary faces

We only briefly saw them, sawed-off shotguns ready to take out Shelby — that old trick of shouting "Croatoan" had no effect on the haunting hunters. Lucky Dr. Elias was here to whisk her away, so you can't really comment on what would have happened next. However, the trio of hacked up hunters didn't look like they were on the Casper spectrum for friendly ghosts.

6. Chen Child

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 3/5 scary faces

You didn't have to travel far to see AHS's blatant rip off of Japanese horror with homages to The Ring and The Grudge. That creepy crawly Chen kid will still be giving us the willies when Roanoke is out on DVD. The reason the ghostly presence doesn't rank higher on the list is because it looks like the rest of the family were quite at peace with their lives. It was only Spider-Chen who seemed intent on clinging to ceilings and giving our Roanoke guests a run for their money.

5. The Polks

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 4/5 scary faces

As a vegan's worst nightmare, the Polks weren't afraid of keeping it in the family. After striking up a deal with The Butcher, the Polks thought it was plain sailing. That was before those savvy "Return to Roanoke" girls went and bashed their brains in. Returning as ghostly meat-eaters, the Polks were sure to be even worse in the afterlife when given everlasting life — those slack-jawed sons'a bitches were already chop-happy with their knives.

4. Murder Nurses

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 4/5 scary faces

Bridget and Miranda were the sadistic nurses who you don't want doing your grandma's Meals on Wheels rounds. What makes the Roanoke murder nurses even scarier was the fact that they are based on reality. Murphy borrowed the story of '80s killers Catherine May Wood and Gwendolyn Gail Graham. While the Roanoke girls finally completed their game of M-U-R-D-E-R scrabble, who is to say they wouldn't start all over again. M is for Matt...

3. Piggy Man

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 4/5 scary faces

The legend of a Piggy Man made a welcome return from Season 1 of the show, and the smell of burning bacon is still caught in our nostrils. Serving as a secondary menace only to the butcher, Kincaid Polk was the long-lost ancestor of the hillbilly family. The family may have fallen into ruin, but Kincaid is enjoying his beastiality and bloodlust long after his death. No Polk will ever be as famous as "The Piggy Man." Why yessir, ahyuk hyuk.

2. The Roanoke Tribe

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 5/5 scary faces

The biggest horror of the season came from the mob mentality of that doomed Roanoke tribe. Literally butchered by The Butcher, they are left aimlessly trawling through time still doing her bidding. Often kept in the shadows, the tribe had just the right amount of menace for you to know danger was coming whenever you saw them light their torches. If scalping and human spit roasts are your thing, then roll on up to the Roanoke camp. However, was there someone worse than Wes Bentley and co.? Of course their was!

1. The Butcher

Image: FX
Image: FX
  • Fear Factor: 5/5 scary faces

Every season has one: Rubber Man, Bloody Face, Twisty. This year's Big Bad was the true evil essence of Tomasyn White, a.k.a. The Butcher. Behind every monkey there is an organ grinder, and that was White. Channeling her evil into Kathy Bates's Agnes Mary Winstead, then dispatching her with a cleaver. When Horror Story Season 6 is remembered, it will be for The Butcher. Responsible for the death of her entire tribe, and anyone who stepped foot on the consecrated land, this was one big momma you wouldn't want to meet on a dark night. There was only ever going to be one ghost topping this list, and The Butcher rightly earns her place for pure evil. Patrick Swayze spinning pottery she is not!

Image: FX
Image: FX

It's OK, you can come out now. We have called in Bill Murray, and he confirms all the ghosts are gone — stick on a copy of My Little Pony and rest easy until next October. With a larger proportion of paranormal presences than usual, you could barely move for ghosts this season. As the Roanoke house burns to the ground, and we drive off into the sunset, all eyes will be looking to where Murphy will take FX's gory story next. Do you hear that? The sound of the ocean!

Check out our video of the Roanoke "Name Game," and don't forget our poll below!

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