Posted by Ananda Dillon @Ananda
MP Staff Writer, lover of all things fantastical and spooky. "Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive." - Ferris Bueller @AnandaWrites
Ananda Dillon

Despite its origins as a night for dressing up to confuse the spirits roaming the earth looking to scare the living, Halloween (All Hallows Eve) has evolved into a night of dressing skimpily, punnily, funnily, and goofily. Luckily for us purists, there are still those who respect the spooky sanctity of the holiday and continue the tradition of dressing frightfully.

And then there are those who take it WAY. TOO. FAR.

I love a good ghost and a trickle of fake blood but for a holiday that mostly revolves around small children asking strangers for candy and adults attending parties, there have to be limits. If a costume is likely to give anyone nightmares or heart attacks, if it's offensive to any group or cause, or will induce vomiting (like the video below demonstrates), consider this an official veto.

Here are recent costumes that we're just gonna go ahead and say NOPE to ahead of time. These are all the major "nuh-uh, just don't, thanks" costumes we urge everyone to avoid this Halloween season.

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1. A Children's Version Of Ryuk From 'Death Note'

Image: Flawssy
Image: Flawssy

I have so many questions. Like how old is the person in this costume? Are their parents really letting them watch such an adult show at trick-or-treat age? How can one family have two children with such distinct tastes? It's not every day you see Pippi Longstocking walking down the street with a shinigami. Maybe it's actually Willem Dafoe under there.

I digress. Bottom line is if I see you wearing this costume this Halloween, I'm going to scream and may be tempted to push a kid over.

2. Body Bag Costume

Image: HalloweenExpress
Image: HalloweenExpress

First off, I feel fairly confident there's a version of this costume a person could make at home for much less than $90. Also, this feels a lot like a lame attempt at nudity. Which doesn't make much sense because we've already established Halloween is fairly open-minded toward skimpy clothing, anyway.

This costume is weird, oddly pervy, and will warrant a decisive kick to the body bag if seen in real life this holiday.

3. Native Chieftan

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

No, no, nope, not cool. UNLESS you identify as Native American and for some reason really want to represent your people group non-ironically on Halloween, this is a big old DON'T. A race, religion, or people group that you are not a part of are NOT things you can dress up as. I honestly wish we lived in a world where this outfit would never even be sold in a costume store, it would only be available via some sort of tribal community and you had to provide a blood lineage test in order to purchase.

If you wear this costume, prepare to be internet shamed until NEXT Halloween.

4. Ummmm, A Naked Lady?

Image: Spirit Halloween Store
Image: Spirit Halloween Store

This costume labels itself "Adult Extreme Boobs Costume" and please note the fake booty is sold separately. I think the description for this costume on their website puts it best when they say:

"We always want what we don't have. Man up and get what you want..."

I'm not going to go into the sexism of this, or the graphicness either; instead I'm just going to say if you wear this out in public this Halloween, I hope you get a heavy dose of the male gaze and a punch in the boobs from multiple ladies. And from woke dudes.

5. Zombie/Dead Pregnant Lady And Baby

Image: Flawssy
Image: Flawssy

I'm willing to bet this chick wore this costume to a Halloween party that holds gore to high esteem. So in the privacy of such a party, I don't especially find fault. But I swear if any of you try and pull anything like this in public, none of us can be held accountable for the upchuck impulses invoked.

Not sure what this says about this young woman's future parenting skills.

6. Excessive Werewolf

Image: Halloween Express
Image: Halloween Express

There is so much going on here. First, if you insist on being the person who takes it this far and wears the most gratuitous of werewolf costumes, at least find some pants that go a bit better with the costume. And really, running sneakers from 1993? Second, the costume is titled "Creature Reacher Midnight Howl Adult" [Insert puzzled emoji here.] Probably the most confusing and complicated way of writing "Werewolf" ever devised.

If you wear this on Halloween, I hope you sweat yourself into a stupor and walk into a tree.

7. Inflatable Dead-Faced Tweedle Dee/Dum

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

I don't care how much of an Alice in Wonderland fan you are, this version of the odd (and let's admit, always creepy) Tweedle Dee/Dum characters is the worst. Anyone who wears this will most likely be mistaken for the bloated corpse of a drowned sailor. Which, if that's what you are going for, great, rock it. If you are hoping to appeal to children who love the Tim Burton film maybe consider the Mad Hatter instead so as not to inflict psychological damage.

8. Evil Inflated Clown

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

The guy modeling this costume is really selling it with the creepy head tilt, but I want to know how inflatable polyester can be endured for an entire evening. In addition, awkwardly bumping into people is unavoidable and bathroom breaks must be a nightmare. I get that clowns are universally creepy, but I encourage everyone to carry pins for popping this Halloween to take down anyone who thinks something like this is a good idea.

9. Child "Pioneer Boy"/Child Of Corn Descent

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

Parents, I'm talking to you now. Let's be honest, kids aren't as aware of the pioneer life as they were in the '50s with heroes like Davey Crocket, so it's pretty unlikely any of your children are asking for this costume (if they are, kudos for exposing them to early American history). That means I'm going to assume any kid wearing this costume is straight going for a Children of the Corn reference and that's one big nope.

Unless they can pull off a truly sinister Malachai-style sneer, then fine, I'll allow it.

10. The Worst 'The Walking Dead' Costume Of All Time

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

The only acceptable reason I can find for anyone wearing this "Adult Walking Dead Daryl Dixon Poncho" is because they genuinely have never seen the show, have no idea who Daryl is, and thought this cheaply crafted poncho was some sort of Aztec costume. As one of Daryl's lesser worn outfits, this costume was already a stretch. Which is why, I assume, someone at the manufacturing company felt they ought to slap the TWD logo onto the costume for clarity.

This costume is a disgrace to The Walking Dead, Daryl Dixon, Aztecs/Mexicans in general, and costume creators everywhere. Wear this if you're looking to be snubbed and rebuked for years.

11. Chucky Good Guy Doll

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

Shouldn't even have to bring this one up but it remains a popular buy on costume seller's websites, so here goes. I get it, the appeal of wearing what is basically pajamas at a party is pretty alluring, but when added with that horrifying mask, you officially deserve any look of disgust thrown your way on Halloween night if you wear this costume. The doll works onscreen; Chucky is a terrifying character. But you make him six feet tall and suddenly it really doesn't work. At all. So let's just try and cut the demand for this one altogether, ok?

12. A Fashion Don't? A Summer Salesman?

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

To be honest, this was just such a random listing among other Halloween costumes. It's name isn't all that helpful either: "Men's Flamingo Summer Suit." An absolute score at your local thrift store/hipster clothing shop, sure, but not a recognizable costume. Either the reference is so obscure it's hipster-level obscure, or the costume itself IS a hipster. Either way, wear this if you want, but prepare yourself for ALL the puzzlement.

13. Jeff The Killer (Star Of All Our Nightmares)

Image: Party City
Image: Party City

I get it, you want all your friends to know you are deep into internet lore and subreddits by wearing this ridiculously scary version of creepypasta internet sensation, Jeff the Killer. But no. Don't. Please, just do not. There's a reason some horror is meant for the internet's eyes only, because it's literally too scary for real life. Please don't give Jeff the Killer and his burnt face, cut out smile, and lid-less eyes a corporeal form. It's too much.

14. Peter Rottentail

Image: Oriental Trading
Image: Oriental Trading

There are a lot of freakish versions of adorable cuddly creatures out there. I'd prefer to see none of them, but rabbits have gotten especially mistreated when it comes to horror-izing. I blame Donnie Darko. This costume really ought to come with a Surgeon General's warning. Though with a $430 price tag, I may not need to worry too much about bumping into this guy.

15. Poor Man's Rick Grimes

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

Talk about phoning it in. I get it, the girls are all finding excuses to make beloved characters sexualized through their costumes and guys have to find inventive ways to show some skin, but this is just sad. Not only does this costume reduce a fantastic, heroic, and tortured TV action character to the likes of a grandma caricature, but is also just downright silly. Without the "Grimes" name badge it wouldn't be all that apparent this is even a reference to The Walking Dead's Rick Grimes. Soak this thing in zombie guts and maybe we can talk.

16. The Most Un-Rock-like The Rock Wrestler

Image: HalloweenCostumes.com
Image: HalloweenCostumes.com

So the main reason this is a definite nuh-uh for Halloween is mostly because this is the least recognizable version of The Rock ever produced. The world's most bankable celebrity deserves much more than this ridiculous combo of blow-up muscles and creepy generic face. This costume looks like Mr. Clean got caught at home in his leisurewear. Wear this only if you want to show off your nether regions, because people won't be getting the reference until they read the print on your hot pants.

17. White Dragon/Evil Falcor Luck Dragon

Image: WalMart.com
Image: WalMart.com

I can appreciate the craftsmanship of this very expensive costume while also giving a big old stamp of disapproval. Primarily because it bears such a resemblance to a character well-beloved from my childhood: Falcor the Luck Dragon from The NeverEnding Story. It also looks a lot like one of Daeneyrs' dragons on Game of Thrones. Or even Smaug, the dragon from The Hobbit. If Benedict Cumberbatch is under this costume, I'll allow it. Otherwise, no thanks.

18. Demented Doctor (FOR KIDS)

Image: Spirit Halloween
Image: Spirit Halloween

Blood on Halloween. Fine. Doctors on Halloween. Fine. Gratuitous, murderous, faceless, bloody doctor for KIDS? Not fine. Please don't let your kids wear this. I'd prefer not to see people of any age wearing this, but especially not kids. It's bad enough this "Demented Doctor" has a bloody, peeled-off face, but there's something about stringy black hair that adds extra grossness to a character. Just ask the Orcs. Blech, don't make me put other people's kids on time-out this Halloween.

19. A Killer Snail/Face Full Of NOPE

Image: Ellimacs SFX on YouTube
Image: Ellimacs SFX on YouTube

I would never fail to give credit to the artistry of Halloween costumes. This costume is definitely a prime example of hard work and talent. It's also a flaming pile of don't-you-dare. In addition to having no idea how a person can endure all that makeup, I can promise anyone who sports this in public that they may find themselves the reason for many an involuntary upchuck. I have a strong stomach, but even the thought of accidentally grazing the goop on this chick's skin or getting dripped on by her bloody face makes me queasy. But hey, if you DO want to go that route, here's the tutorial video:


So there we have it, a collection of pre-noped costumes for you to just go ahead and scratch off your costume list right now. Maybe you were just thinking about going a little "out there" this year with your costume, maybe you have no sense of boundaries and limits. Whatever the case, just pretend your grandma is going to be at every Halloween party you attend this year and let that be a guide in your costume decision-making

What are you wearing for Halloween this year?

[Sources: Flawssy, Halloween Express, Halloween Costumes, Spirit Halloween, Party City, Oriental Trading, WalMart]