Posted by Elle McFarlane @ellemcf
'There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you.'
Elle McFarlane

We've all been there. It's four a.m., your eyes are bloodshot due to a potent mix of exhaustion and tequila and suddenly you and your intoxicated entourage find yourselves in a tattoo parlor. Flicking through the designs you have a hazy recollection of your friends singing 'The Sound of Music' very animatedly. You nod and attempt to join in. Then comes the blackout.

Morning comes. You reach down to touch your left thigh which is burning in tender agony. Your heart stops. You proceed to shriek in horror as you're met with the cold, icy stare of Julie Andrews crossbred with a python coiled around your upper leg. What have you done? Can you ever frequent the swimming pool again? Do your friends really have you best interests at heart?

Don't worry, you're in good company. Not even the rich and famous are safe from the horrors of an ill-advised tattoo. Blessing the world with some of the most hilarious skin-ink travesties to date, here's some of the weirdest celebrity tattoos currently trotting up and down the red carpet.


1. Jennifer Aniston's Ode To Her Deceased Dog

  • Tattoo: The name 'Norman' written on the side of her left foot.
  • Reason: To honor the memory of her dog Norman, a Welsh corgi-terrier who passed on to the big kennel in the sky in 2011 at the grand old age of fifteen.
  • Weird Factor: 5/10

2. Ed Sheeran's Wonky Chest Lion

  • Tattoo: A colossal lop-sided lions face exuding purple gas scrawled across his hairless chest.
  • Reason: To commemorate selling out Wembley Stadium, the UK's largest venue, three times.
  • Weird Factor: 9/10

3. Cara Delevingne's Porky Trotters

  • Tattoo: The word "Bacon..." written on the sole of her right foot.
  • Reason: Because, as she told Jimmy Kimmel "anything bacon is good, am I right?"
  • Weird Factor: 6/10

4. Gucci Mane's Triple Scoop Facial

  • Tattoo: An ice-cream cone with "Brrr" engraved on it topped with three scoops and two flashes of red lightning in the background covering his right cheek.
  • Reason: To mark his release from a mental hospital, Gucci decided to get this uniquely appalling design inked across his, clearly sane, face.
  • Weird Factor: 9/10

5. Lana Del Rey Cries For Help

  • Tattoo: "Trust no one" written on her right hand and "paradise" written on her left.
  • Reason: So far, the reasoning behind her rather sinister "trust no one" tattoo remains unclear but speaking to German newspaper 'Der Speigel' Lana said she chose "paradise" because:

"Death and paradise for me are linked. I expect after my death, something that is very calm and relaxed. This can already be described as paradise."

  • Pretentious Factor: 10/10

6. Audrina Partridge's Disturbing Slithering Heart

  • Tattoo: An apple-heart-hybrid which a blue snake is coiling around on the back of her neck.
  • Reason: Referencing the Biblical story of Adam and Eve and the apple of Eden. On her blog Audrina explained the ink-oddity as follows:

"My tattoo is a heart with four chambers that turns into an apple with a snake around it...It symbolizes the story of Adam and Eve…and also temptation and destiny.”

  • Weird Factor: 8/10

7. Marc Jacobs Does Himself

  • Tattoo: The master of terrible tattoos including the likes of SpongeBob Squarepants, Elizabeth Taylor in 3D glasses and himself as a Simpsons character, Marc also has the red M&M's mascot on his right shoulder.
  • Reason: He wanted to get a tattoo of his initial, without just simply writing the letter 'M.'
  • Weird Factor: 7/10

8. Cheryl Cole's Gigantic Butt-Engulfing Roses

  • Tattoo: A grotesque bouquet of four gigantic roses all over her back and the entirety of her derriere.
  • Reason: After getting malaria in 2010, Cheryl was determined to get through her bucket list because life is nearly always, too short. On that list was "get a big tattoo." English roses are also her favorite flower. Go figure.
  • Weird Factor: 7/10

9: Justin Bieber Gives New Meaning To His Navel

  • Tattoo: "Purpose" written just above his belly button.
  • Reason: He was just about to release his fourth album, .
  • Weird Factor: 4/10

10. Drake's Prayer

  • Tattoo: The number six and the praying emoji tattooed on his upper right bicep.
  • Reason: A tribute to his track '6 God.'
  • Weird Factor: 5/10

11. Chris Brown Confirms He Is The Most Despicable Human Being On the Planet

  • Tattoo: The photograph taken of Rhianna's battered face after he violently attacked her inked onto his neck.
  • Reason: He's a horrific villain.
  • Hate Factor: 10/10

12. Lady Gaga Blows Her Own Trumpet

  • Tattoo: A trumpet with a silencer in it on her inner right arm with the name 'Bennedetto' underneath it.
  • Reason: Because she loves musician Tony Bennett (born Bennedetto) whom she released a duets album with, and he sketched this trumpet for her.
  • Weird Factor: 4/10

13. Kat Von D's Creepy Child Side-Boob

  • Tattoo: A picture of her now ex lover, Jesse James, when he was ten years old on the upper left side of her rib cage.
  • Reason: At the time, she loved her man, even as a slightly malnourished looking child.
  • Weird Factor: 7/10

14. Britney Spears' 'Strange' Tattoo

  • Tattoo: A small Chinese symbol jut above her bikini line on her right hip which was supposed to mean "mysterious" but actually means "strange."
  • Reason: Having only just dropped her third album 'Britney' including raunchy numbers such as 'Im a Slave 4 U' and 'Boys,' Britney was clearly hoping to add to her sexual mystic with this message of oriental intrigue.
  • Weird Factor: 5/10

15. Ryan Gosling's D.I.Y. Cactus

  • Tattoo: What appears to be a cactus and the initials W.H.R. just below the elbow of his left arm
  • Reason: Talking to W Magazine Ryan said of this strange little tattoo:

"One of my tattoos is supposed to be a monster's hand dropping a bloody heart but I did it myself with a tattoo kit so it looks like a cactus”

  • Weird Factor: 3/10

16. Taryn Manning's Generic Unicorn

  • Tattoo: A pink unicorn running up her lower left arm.
  • Reason: Talking to Paper Mag, Taryn said that out of all her five tattoos, her unicorn is her favorite because:

"She keeps me energized and free and keeps me believing in the wanderlust."

  • Weird Factor: 5/10

17. Dennis Rodman's Demonic BJ Travesty

  • Tattoo: A possibly demonic hermaphrodite angel performing fellatio on herself and her gigantic male member inked all over his back.
  • Reason: Insanity. The man did marry himself in 1996.
  • Weird Factor: 11/10

Poll

Would you rather marry yourself or have Dennis Rodman's BJ tattoo inked on your back for all eternity?