Every single actor has a movie out there that they would rather forget. Indeed, even Hollywood greats like Leonardo DiCaprio have something to hide, if his controversial stance on '90s flick Don's Plum is anything to go by.
Ultimately, it appears that every single, budding actor in the industry has had to swim through a sea of crap movie roles at some point in their illustrious careers to get to the top. And Matthew McConaughey is also one of them.
Let's face it, we're all familiar with MConaughey's acting past. After grabbing our attention as David in coming-of-age comedy Dazed and Confused, the actor went on to snap up that coveted heartthrob status with his gleaming six pack and chiseled jawline in a slew of '90s and '00s rom-coms. All before he turned it around, getting all serious and determined about movies the Academy actually cared about.
As it stands, Matthew McConaughey has elevated himself to the status of one of the most versatile and superbly talented actors in Hollywood, which is why it's especially hilarious/troubling to remember his performance in one particular movie hiding in his IMDB.
Introducing... Tiptoes (2003)
Back in the early '00s, some film executives probably sat in a sunny LA boardroom chucking back whiskeys and deciding how wonderful it would be to gather a bunch of talented actors and have them star in a project that would push all sorts of 'boundaries.' Featuring Marcia DeRousse, Peter Dinklage, David Alan Grier, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman and Kate Beckinsale, Tiptoes hit cinema screens in 2003 and to this day, many of these actors probably wish it hadn't.
Judge for yourselves, here's the synopsis according to Wikipedia:
"Carol (Beckinsale)—a talented painter and independent woman—falls in love with Steven (McConaughey) without knowing much about him other than he's the perfect man. But when Carol finds herself pregnant it forces Steven to expose his darkest secret—his family. Steven happens to be the only average-sized person in a family of dwarfs, including his twin brother Rolfe (Oldman). Carol and Steven are then forced to come to terms with the fact that the baby she carries may be born a dwarf. This terrifies Steven, who does not want his child to suffer the same way Rolfe did. As Carol decides to carry the child, she and Steven grow further apart, and she begins to rely on Rolfe to teach her about life as a dwarf."
No, I shit you not, that is indeed one of the most ridiculous movie premises ever and it somehow got through the cracks into the mainstream. A project that was so obscene that is was smacked down by critics with descriptions such as:
"A wake-up call to all the nasty “normals” out there [that] substitutes schmaltz for sincerity to create a heated hate crime all its own."
Below is a rundown of some of the reasons why Tiptoes is the movie Matthew McConaughey wants to forget and why for some bizarre reason, it stars multi-award winning actor Gary Oldman standing on his knees as a "midget" in what is apparently "a role of a lifetime." But, before we delve deep into why this movie is quite possibly the most absurd thing the Millennium has gifted us, watch the epic trailer below:
1. Kate Beckinsale's Character's Tragic Dilemma
The fact that the trailer to this drama (it's not classified as a comedy, FYI) starts with Kate Beckinsale about to give Matthew McConaughey a cheeky blow-job under the desk is merely testament just how one-dimensional the entire thing is.
The remainder of Tiptoes follows in this vein, seeing Beckinsale step into the role of a concerned girlfriend who becomes aghast at the fact her partner has been secretly hiding a family of "midgets" all along. An issue that, of course, is clearly film-worthy and appears to be a very, very serious concern to her own, personal wellbeing. Horrified that her other half has been lying to her all along, she then finds out that she is pregnant and thus, we are introduced to the earth-shattering dilemma at the heart of Tiptoes — what ever will she do if her baby is also born a little person?
And in case you were wondering whether this storyline was merely the subplot, it's not. It is in fact the movie.
2. Gary Oldman In His 'Role Of A Lifetime'
Yes, really. The movie sees legendary actor Gary Oldman physically get down on the ground and put his shoes in front of his knees in attempts to resemble a dwarf.
Just think about that for a second. The man who brought to life Commissioner Gordon, Dracula and Stansfield in some of the most iconic movies of the '90s stars in Tiptoes as Matthew McConaughey's dwarf twin-brother, uttering lines like this:
Quite frankly, it's so absurd that when asked about the movie years later by MTV, even Kate Beckinsale was at a complete loss of what to say about Tiptoes. All she could manage was the following:
“He was on his knees. He was basically on his knees with a prosthetic part of his head and face and a hump and different kinds of harnesses to strap his arms back to make them short, and special clothes. They had various different effects, like if he was sitting in a chair, his legs would actually be inside the chair and he’d have these little fake legs sticking out on top. It was amazing what they did with him.”
A "hump," "little fake legs sticking out," "special" clothes? Should this level of insensitivity not have set alarm bells ringing in the first place? Apparently not because from the very start, everyone knew that this would always be role that Gary Oldman would be most proud of when lying on his death bed.
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3. Peter Dinklage Is In It
Celebrated actor Peter Dinklage of epic Game of Thrones fame is in Tiptoes. Why? Well, probably because in a movie about dwarves, the producers thought it essential that an actual little person be in it. Especially if he's also a Marxist Frenchman called Maurice who is constantly trying to hump his corn-rowed girlfriend (played by equally highly-acclaimed Patricia Arquette) like a horny puppy dog.
The curious thing about all of this is that Peter bizarrely agreed to being in a incredibly insensitive movie about the plight of the "little people" in the first place. One which bears an official tagline of:
"It's the little things in life that matter."
Bonus: David Alan Grier Makes An Appearance
To top it all off, Yale-graduate and celebrated actor and comedian David Alan Grier also pops up in Tiptoes, existing only for the purpose of wearing a ridiculous wig and trying to have sex with real-life porn-star-with-dwarfism Bridget Powers at a raucous party.
You really couldn't make this shit up.
So, there you go. Now you're slightly familiar with Tiptoes — a baffling farce that somehow managed to creep into the Official Selection at the 2004 Sundance Festival before plummeting straight to DVD.
No wonder Matthew McConaughey never talks about it.
Is Tiptoes the most ridiculous thing you have ever seen with Matthew McConaughey in it?