OK, I'm not going to waste any time with this Game of Thrones recap. I'm going straight into a major spoiler alert. Seriously, if you haven't seen last Sunday's episode of Game of Thrones you really need to be pushing your pointer toward the back button right now. Like right NOW. Actually, better yet, just pull out the computer plug and avoid human contact for a while, because basically everyone you meet will still be discussing the latest episode. But whatever you do, do not scroll down an inch!
After two relatively slow and introductory episodes, we can now truly say Game of Thrones has returned in style. This latest episode was filled to the brim with twists, humor, drama, scheming and, of course, physical brutality. Everything Game of Thrones is loved for. Episode 3, entitled "Walk of Punishment", has almost too many awesome moments to choose from, but I think we can all agree one particular scene stood out.
Can somebody lend Jaime Lannister a hand?
I'm really tempted to launch into a dozen puns about how Jaime Lannister's captor is 'handy with a knife', or that Jaime is no longer Tywin's 'right-hand man', but I don't think it would do this scene justice. Game of Thrones is now readily establishing a tradition in which all of its best scenes involve somebody losing a pretty vital body part. In Season 1 one Ned lost his head, while in Season 3 Jaime Lannister lost his right hand. Although it might seem Jaime got off lightly compared to ol' Ned, we have to remember that at end of the day Jaime Lannister is basically just a walking sword-swinging machine. The loss of his favored hand is going to have a pretty fundamental impact on Jaime's primary vocation of people stabbing, as well as his own self-esteem. I wonder if he'll have some Buster Bluth-esque freakouts?
The sudden removal of Jaime's second favorite appendage might also have some pretty wide-ranging political repercussions. Think about it. What if Tywin or Cersei find out a Stark bannerman has mutilated their mutually favorite family member? Sansa Stark's security is dependent on Jamie's well-being. If they were to find out where he is and what has happened to him (which they are trying desperately to do), could Sansa's time in King's Landing end just as horribly as her father's?
Theon's day goes from bad, to badder, to really bad, to slightly better
To those of us who have read George R.R Martin's third book, Theon's current adventure is a bit of an enigma. In A Storm of Swords - the novel from which Season 3 is based - Theon is barely even referred to, let alone seen. But now, in the TV series, he is embroiled in some kind of Medieval recreation of Deliverance. And, just like Deliverance, he is saved by a bow and arrow wielding badass.
I have been reliably informed that Theon's current escapades in fact occur much later in George R.R. Martin's original book series. So it seems they have been brought forward to bulk up Season 3. Personally, I think this is a stellar idea. Theon is a pretty popular character (at least around the Moviepilot offices), so to see him getting his own exciting plot-line must be a good thing. But who is his mysterious 'friend'? Could he be a Stark? His warning of "Winter is Coming" certainly quotes their motto, but why would a Stark help out a Greyjoy? Perhaps, the pursuer's dying words of "You bastard" are much more revealing (and literal) than it might seem at first? I'm sure we'll find out soon.
Meet the Blackfish of the family
Episode 3 finally gave us our first proper look at Catelyn's home city of Riverrun. Just like every other family in Westeros, the Tullys have a few domestic issues. If the death of the much-loved Lord Hoster Tully wasn't bad enough, their new leader Edmure Tully is hardly a fitting replacement. I have to say, I immediately liked Edmure. For some reason (which I should probably tell a therapist about) I'm always drawn to rather pathetic characters who try so hard but inevitably fail.
One new character who doesn't have that problem is Brynden 'The Blackfish' Tully. He's a man so confident in his skills, he doesn't even bother to see where his arrows land. I can imagine a lot of Game of Thrones fans found a new favorite character in the Blackfish, so head over here to find out more about him.
Of course, I've only scratched the surface of what really went down in "Walk of Punishment". Indeed, it was one of the first episodes which left major cliffhangers on both sides of the Narrow Sea. What do you think Daenerys has planned for Kraznys mo Nakloz and her dragons? Would she really hand over one in payment, or has she got a plan up her sleeve? Let me know what you predict below.