9 Movies That Deserve a "Bad-Ass" Remake

by Posted on

There have been a rash of remakes in recent years, as many have either celebrated or poo pooed (pretty sure “poo pooed“ is the technical term). From the remakes of things like Judge Dredd, to the reboot of a reboot like Batman and the Hulk, you could either look at it as “Hollywood running out of good stories” or “giving the story the movie it deserves”. Personally, I lean toward the latter. 

Let’s face it, Superman Returns was (and this hurts my heart as a massive Kevin Spacey fan) pretty bad. It missed the mark on several levels, including bad casting and a horribly regurgitated story line (come on, how many times is Lex Luthor gonna do that “land is the only thing they’re not making any more of” line??). However, Man of Steel rocked! Finally, they got it right. They took the story and character and gave it a treatment I like to call “bad-assing”. As in: they seriously “bad-assed” Superman. Was it worth it to see a widely known and rehashed origin story? I say: of course it was!

So, in that light, I submit some movies I would like to see get the “bad-assing” treatment.

The Last Starfighter 

If you remember the 80s, and you’re a big sci fi nut like me, you probably remember this movie. It was way ahead of its time, being one of the first movies to rely heavily on CGI. Pretty basic story, kid in a trailer park beats an arcade game that is actually a recruiting tool causing the kid to become the warrior called a Starfighter and he has to save the galaxy from an evil emperor and armada singlehanded… you know: that old chestnut. Now just imagine that with the advances of the time, internet, social media for the story; graphics and SFX for the experience. This movie would ROCK in 3D!

Eragon

Ok, I read the books, and I have to tell you: compared to the book, Eragon was absolute garbage! The big bald bad guys in the movie were supposed to be 8 foot tall ram-horned warriors called Urgals! There were Elves, Dwarves, Werecats, cities as well as the entire magic system explanation left out of the movie! Eragon spent several chapters, months of time, training and traveling with Brom which were glossed over in the movie with one pathetic stick fencing scene! Saphira in the book took months to grow. In the movie: POOF! She’s magically a full grown dragon who can fly and carry him in a matter or a minute or so! There are chapters of plot that could have added to this hour and a half movie, but instead we got this! Oy.

Avatar: The Last Air Bender

Do I really have to explain this one? Bad acting, watered down script, bad acting, horrible special effects, bad acting…..did I mention the acting?! And for the love of all that’s holy, call the movie “Avatar: The Last Airbender”

Battlefield Earth

SUCH a disappointment! There could have been greatness in this movie! I think it could be amazing if bad-assed by the right director *COUCHJONFAVERAUCOUGH*

Dragonslayer

The name itself should have been enough to be epic. But it was epicly“meh”. The acting was bad, the effects were yuck (granted, old movie) and the story line was “EH?!” I say a redo is in order with an awesome dragon and some serious acting!

Soldier

I Actually liked this movie. Kurt Russell played this well and the story leading to the planet was good. However, as soon as the bad soldiers hit the planet, things slow way down, and get kind of boring and predictable. New director, new script, up to date FX = awesome.

Wild Wild West

Sorry Will, but the WICKETY Wild Wild West was WICKETY wack(… ok, so I don’t do street vernacular very well…). With the right casting and much less of the racial jokes and campiness, I think this could have become a cult classic pretty easily. Unfortunately, there was just too much useless stuff in this film, and they were obviously banking on the chemistry with Kevin Kline and Will Smith to carry this movie... and it didn't.

Rollerball

This was disjointed, badly acted, poorly shot with useless characters and over hyped action. But the concept is pretty bad-ass. Throw some money at it, kick up the action and go for it!

And lastly, for now, Highlander

OK, I am going to get crucified for that one, but the 80s music video treatment was nice for its time, and Christopher Lambert is awesome! Now I’d like to see the story brought to life with a modern kick! It’s more than doable, with this premise; it’s almost a no brainer!

What do you think? What other movies should be bad-assed? 


Like it!
FacebookTwitter
Jason CabreraArticle by Jason Cabreracontributor