Happy birthday, Mike Tyson! The former heavyweight boxing champion turns 50 years old today, though we have no doubt that he could get back in the ring and hold his own against the world's best fighters.
Tyson won an impressive 50 out of 58 professional bouts, and for many ranks as one of the greatest heavyweight boxers of all time. His famed boxing battles even led to some Hollywood success, with appearances in The Hangover franchise and Ip Man 3 as well as the Adult Swim series Mike Tyson Mysteries.
The boxer may be retired, but we're celebrating his birthday by throwing Tyson back into the ring for some hypothetical fights against our favorite fictional boxers. Who do you think will win these matches?
Mike Tyson vs. Adonis Creed
We were pretty skeptical that Creed, the seventh installment in the Rocky franchise, would be any good. And then we actually saw the movie. Michael B. Jordan's Adonis Creed breathes new life into the aging franchise as a single-minded fighter ready to prove that he can live beyond the shadow of his famous father and become a champ on his own terms. While he — SPOILER ALERT! — loses the film's climactic boxing match, there's no doubt that Creed's tenacity would give him an edge when it comes to battling Tyson.
Tyson vs. Creed: Who wins?
Mike Tyson vs. Ivan Drago
There's a good chance Tyson could crush every boxer from the Rocky franchise, except perhaps Ivan Drago. Much like Tyson, the Russian boxer displayed a penchant for going too far in the ring — going so far as to straight-up punch Apollo Creed to death. While that's a lot worse than Tyson's notable Evander Holyfield ear-biting incident, we're confident a battle between Tyson and Drago would awaken the most violent parts of each fighter. It'd be an awesome fight to watch.
Tyson vs. Drago: Who wins?
Mike Tyson vs. Wildcat
Comic book fans know that Wildcat is the greatest boxer in the DC Universe, so it'd be pretty exciting to see him tackle one of the real world's best fighters. Tyson was known to throw down wherever and whenever, but that's exactly what Wildcat does as a superhero. A background in both pro boxing and super heroics could give Wildcat an advantage when facing off against the tenacious Tyson.
Tyson vs. Wildcat: Who wins?
Mike Tyson vs. Popeye the Sailor Man
A life at sea has taught Popeye two things — how to bust open a can of spinach with his bare hands and how to beat the crap out of no good palookas. Needless to say, those lessons would certainly come in handy in a battle with Mike Tyson. The famed prizefighter might have an obvious upper hand, but if Popeye gets a hold of some energizing spinach, Tyson's absolutely toast.
Tyson vs. Popeye: Who wins?
Mike Tyson vs. Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes is known more for his intellect than his physicality, but the world's greatest detective is also a skilled boxer. As we saw in director Guy Ritchie's Holmes films, the super sleuth uses his brain to plan out entire fights before they even happen, executing strategic strikes to take down his opponents. A fight between Holmes and Tyson would be the ultimate battle of brains versus brawn — and the result could go either way.
Tyson vs. Holmes: Who wins?
Mike Tyson vs. Little Mac
There's only one fighter we're confident could beat Tyson, and that's Little Mac from the classic NES game Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! If you've played the game, you'll recall how Mac's skills, finesse and perfect timing helped him beat the champ in the end. And that was before the character got a major upgrade for Super Smash Bros. It's basically a guarantee that Mac would whoop Tyson in the ring.
Tyson vs. Little Mac: Who wins?
Who else would you like to see Mike Tyson face in the ring? Let us know in the comments below.