Channing Tatum is all set to make a sexy sea creature Splash in Disney's upcoming remake of the 1984 iconic comedy classic, but what totally fintastic changes will surface from gender-reversing the leading role?
Take a plunge with me into the nostalgic past when Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah were mere twinkles in Hollywood's eye and let's examine just how Chan can be the underwater angel to update this campy rom-com into something even more beautiful, if that's possible.
If you need reminding about Madison's on-point hair-crimping game or how bizarre old trailers are, check out the original below:
The Cast So Far
Channing Tatum As A Male Madison
Channing Tatum will be slipping into Daryl Hannah's fins (hopefully not literally, that thing is probably a bit fusty by now) to embody a male version of the naïve, dappy, but totally charming Madison.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the general plot, Madison saves Allen from drowning twice and decides to go to New York track him down. Unfortunately for her, a lack of basic knowledge of the fundamentals of clothing and speech makes this a bit of a trial.
Jillian Bell As Female Allen Bauer
Chan's former 22 Jump Street enemy, Jillian Bell, will be slipping into something a little more civil and playing a female version of the hapless everyman (or I should I say woman?) Allen Bauer.
Despite small obstacles such as the fact that her name is actually a hideous mermaid language shriek and knows about as much about human life as a sea cucumber, Bauer falls for Madison in a big way.
Marja-Lewis Ryan As Screenwriter
Marja-Lewis Ryan is a theater writer turned filmmaker who has won critical acclaim for projects such as 2010 comedy The Four-Faced Liar and the 2011 dramedy theater production Dysnomia.
With a focus on comedy and a reputation for writing meaty, well thought out roles for the oft neglected female characters in her work, Lewis Ryan seems like a pretty good fit for modernizing this comedy classic.
How Will The Different Scenes Play Out?
Totes Naked Liberty Chan
Like it or lump it, an enormous amount of cultural baggage means that male and female nudity often has different connotations. Channing's take on the infamous nude Statue of Liberty scene seems likely to have a more slapstick feel, maybe with a bit more of a Tarzan-esque chase thing going down.
As for that dodgy perv scramble? I think that one is probably best left in the past, to be honest. A hoard of people trying to touch up someone who appears to be naked and mentally challenged has no place in 2016. BYEEEEE!
Bathtub Babe Chan
Sorry Splash, but this bathtub scene needs some serious pepping up to wring out the amount of prime LOLs it deserves. With Channing's on-point physical comedy skills honed on the set of the Jump Street franchise, I can see this scene becoming something bigger, bolder and way more ridiculous.
The Silence Of The Chan
Madison accepts the fact that she can't utter a word with surprising restraint and grace, but I doubt we will be getting those innocent flower-girl vibes from Tatum as he is rendered mute and unable to express himself.
I'm picturing some seriously goofy facial expressions, wild pointing and bizarre sounds to accompany the magic mer-man's journey to linguistic ability and I'm sure it will be a riot.
Language Of The Mermaids Chan
Just when I thought this scene was flawless, I imagined Channing making those sounds and totally lost my shit. Please, oh great cinema lords, don't change the language of the mermaids. This ancient tongue deserves respect.
Who Could Play The Others?
Jonah Hill Or Rebel Wilson As Freddie Bauer (Originally Played By John Candy)
Originally played by the late, great John Candy, this larger than life wisecracking character calls for a big comedian of big stature and the two awesome actors above totally fit the bill for me.
Jonah Hill has previously milked the laughs with Channing Tatum and they clearly have an enviable bromance that sparkles on screen. As for Rebel Wilson, she's worked alongside both Channing and Jillian Bell on different projects and you only need to watch the video below to see she and Chan go together like peanut butter and jelly:
Johnny Galecki As Dr. Walter Kornbluth (Originally Played By Eugene Levy)
Before he was the creepy dad of nightmares in the American Pie franchise, Eugene Level was haplessly crashing his way through Splash as the somewhat eccentric Dr. Walter Kornbluth.
Personally, I think the Big Bang Theory's Johnny Galecki could totally own this role. Not only does he have comedy experience for miles, but he also totally deserves his big screen break (sry, CBGB doesn't count) and what better partner to launch you into Hollywood than the Chan-dog?
Levi Miller As Young Channing Tatum
In the original movie, the "Madison" character who Channing Tatum will play rescues a young Allen Bauer from drowning, so it's likely the remake will also call for a baby Chan.
Pan's Levi Miller has the cheeky grin and glinting eyes of adorable mini-Chan and could be perfect to plunge into the oceans as a younger version of Tatum's merman character.
Caitlin Carmichael As A Young Jillian Bell
The internet did not deliver the luxury of a childhood pic of Jillian Bell, but I think Caitlyn Carmichael could totally nail playing a younger version of her in terms of physical resemblance.
Although she is only 12 years old, Carmichael already has an enviable acting portfolio including movies such as 300: Rise of an Empire and the sci-fi thriller Sweetheart. Not to mention the fact she is lined up for a role in a TV movie named A Mermaid's Tale, so she is clearly into the subject matter!
Personally, I can't wait to see if there will be a similar backlash for gender reversing the main female character as there was for Ghostbusters. Somehow, I doubt it.
What do you want to see from Mer-Chan in the new Splash movie?