Posted by Sam Plank @samplank
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

Once in a great while, a cinematic villain comes along that is so good, so brilliant, that they're able to take the terror their onscreen victims are feeling, and make the audience afraid to walk through the darkened theater parking lot to their cars, or turn off the light once their television has gone dark. And if they're really good, you carry that fear of them well into adulthood. They bring a special kind of scary to their roles.

And then...there are the ones that are most definitely not those kind of villains. In fact, they're the characters that do such a good job spoofing these other villains that you very well may walk away from their parodies not afraid of clowns, Sith Lords, or vacuum-loving deputies ever again!

Here are five of the best spoof movie villains, whose Schwartz is most definitely bigger than yours.

5. Special Officer Doofy - Scary Movie

is that drool?
is that drool?

Scream came out in 1996, and scared the living crap out of my 17-year-old self (Gawd...has it been that long?!). The twist was one we didn't see coming, and as for the blood, well...there was a lot of it:

Four short years later, Scary Movie came out and ruined any other Scream sequel that would come out after. The character of Officer Doofy spoofed David Arquette's character more than anything, you really can't top Scary Movie's ability to make fun of a villain quite like they did with the vacuum scene.

Warning: slightly NSFW...um...bulge, below:

That's...that's not how you use a vacuum. Like, ever. Don't you pay attention to the Darwin Awards?

4. Sheriff of Rottingham - Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Latrine and the Sheriff of Rottingham
Latrine and the Sheriff of Rottingham

I'm not sure if the classic Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves had it coming THIS bad when Robin Hood: Men in Tights came out, but it sure got it. We found out where Robin Hood put his Little John, what made Will Scarlet, and even what the Friar "tucked" into his tights that Maid Marian quiver. But the biggest and best spoof character was surely Roger Rees' Rottingham, a comedic take on the Sheriff of Nottingham.

The most humiliating scene for the poor guy where the sheriff is about to finally be rid of Robin Hood and marry Maid Marian is the final nail in the legendary bad guy's coffin.

Poor Mervyn. Never saw that one coming, either.

3. The Breather - Student Bodies

It was 1981. The world had already met Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees, so a writer by the name of Mickey Rose decided to direct his one and only film, Student Bodies, and introduce us to The Breather.

A drooling phone? Why didn't Scary Movie borrow that?

Student Bodies was the original slasher spoof, featuring a on-screen body count that went up each time someone died, and, as you can see from the video above, it pointed out all the stupid mistakes the soon-to-be victims made, like leaving the door unlocked. If only they'd listened.

2. Dark Helmet - Spaceballs

Dark Helmet
Dark Helmet

Easily one of the best of the best of the best, the only thing that could have made Rick Moranis' character better in Space Balls would have been James Earl Jones doing the voiceover. You can expect great things when you get Mel Brooks, the king of spoofs, making a movie that takes Star Wars, Star Trek, Alien, Planet of the Apes, and other great sci-fi flicks and gives them an intergalactic wedgie.

Relive that epic Schwartz-comparing fight!

Sorry, Dark Helmet. Looks like you're doomed to a life of Schwartz envy.

1. Dr. Evil - Austin Powers Movies

When it comes to parody villains, you can't have a list like this without Dr. Evil topping it. The Austin Powers movies spoof the hell out of James Bond; that much is an understatement. It might be the most unintentionally on-point parody ever (or maybe not so unintentional.) Dr. Evil looks like the not-quite-so-evil half brother of Ernst Stavro Blofeld, from You Only Live Twice.

He also dressed a little like Julius No from Dr. No:

Dr. Evil even had three testicles. If you don't get that reference, know that Francisco Scaramanga in The Man with the Golden Gun had three nipples before having three nipples was cool. You hear that, Chandler Bing?

Mel Brooks may be the king of parodies, but when it comes to spoofing spy movies, The International Man of Mystery has it in the bag, baby!

Honorable Mention

Fembots!

In all three Austin Powers movies, some of the best scenes involve exploding fembots. Seems they just can't take Austin's mojo. The Britney Spears fembot is by far my favorite!

All the fembots that fight Austin are spoofs of some minor villains in two of my favorite shows growing up, Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman. Here's a trip down memory lane for those of you who are old enough to remember the show!

With all the villains in the theaters right now; the Joker, Lex Luthor, most the characters in The Purge...which of them would you like to see parodied?