Star Wars has encompassed my childhood, my teenage years, and now adulthood. I love Star Wars. But, as with true love of anything, you must embrace its wonderful qualities as well as its flaws. The Star Wars Expanded Universe — or Legends as it's now known — gave us some of the greatest Star Wars elements of all time like the city planet Coruscant and the blue skinned Chiss species.
However, it also brought forth aspects of Star Wars that I desperately wish were non-existent. Here are 15 of my favorite crazy, stupid, insane, dumb, wonderful, beautiful, amazing, Star Wars and Expanded Universe creations!
15. Han Solo And Chewbacca's Remains Discovered By Indiana Jones
When we asked for a crossover between Indiana Jones and Star Wars, who on Earth thought that this is what we were asking for? In Star Wars Tales Issue 19 in a story called "Into The Great Unknown," Han and Chewie blindly blast into hyperspace and accidentally crash into late 1800s America where they're murdered by Native Americans. Later, Indiana Jones finds their remains.
This is insane. No one wants to see living Harrison Ford unearth the remains of dead Harrison Ford. That's just disturbing. I really, really hope no one at Disney sees this and gets any ideas!
14. Padme Forgives Vader
I actually like the Anakin/Padme romance. I know some disagree with me on that. However, when I was a kid watching The Clone Wars and the prequels, I never imagined this.
In the Darth Vader and the Lost Command comic series from Dark Horse, Vader has a vision of Padme — specifically of her rotting corpse. Vader without his helmet is actually depicted as far less gruesome then what is shown in Revenge of the Sith and so the dead vision of Padme is far more scary than helmet-less Vader. No one wants to see that. Couldn't Vader's vision have shown her looking the same as the last time he saw her? That would have made a lot more sense to me.
13. C-3PO And R2-D2's Christmas Song
Star Wars and holidays just don't mix — more on that later. For now, let's talk about "Sleigh Ride." To be honest, I've only heard about half of it. It has its "cringe factor" turned up to 11. C-3PO teaching R2-D2 to "sing" by chanting at him is exactly what it sounds like and I just don't like it.
12. Boba Fett And The Sarlacc
Fall into a sarlacc once, shame on you! Fall into a sarlacc twice, shame on me! Fall into a sarlacc three times, who's writing this? I love Boba Fett. He is a strong character with a great backstory. It's kind of tragic to me that Star Wars has thrown him into a sarlacc three different times including the fall in Return of the Jedi. I think we all know and agree that Boba Fett is not stupid and thus wouldn't fall prey to a sarlacc more than twice.
11. Cover Art Depiction Of Joruus C'Baoth
The Timothy Zahn Thrawn Trilogy is widely known as three of the best non-canon Star Wars novels. My sister happened to point out a flaw in these though: The ridiculous cover art for the first novel, Heir to the Empire. Joruus C'Baoth, an elderly Force user, is a great character. Not as good as Thrawn, but still good. What's the issue then? Jorrus is depicted on the cover as being very old, with white hair, while also being completely ripped. His robes are open in a fashion that is reminiscent of a '70s style V-neck shirt, revealing his highly toned abs and an amulet.
On top of all of that, he's depicted with lasers shooting out of his fingers. This may be an attempt at drawing Force lightning, but is confusing nonetheless. Should you see this book on the shelf, do not be turned away by the odd cover art. It is one of the best Star Wars novels of all time and I highly recommend it.
10. Skippy The Jedi Droid
Remember that scene in A New Hope when Luke and Uncle Owen buy R2-D2 and C-3PO from the Jawas? At first, Owen purchases a white and red astromech instead of R2, but it short circuits and Owen ends up getting R2 who reveals Leia's message and saves the galaxy.
Peter David wrote an eight page comic about that astromech. Apparently the droid — aptly named Skippy the Jedi Droid — was sensitive to the Force. When Owen bought him he had a vision of Vader getting his hands on Leia's message to Obi-Wan Kenobi hidden inside of R2. To save the galaxy, he kills himself so that R2 can be free to help Leia. Skippy, where ever you are, you're the real star of Star Wars.
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9. Luuke Skywalker
In the Thrawn trilogy, Joruus C'Baoth uses Luke Skywalker's severed hand from Cloud City to clone him and create a second Luke. This was one of the coolest twists ever — Luke battling himself. The only thing is, the clone's name is Luuke Skywalker. Apparently clones receive their template's name, plus a vowel. You think that's kind of funny?
8. Luuuke Skywalker
Yes, the clone of the clone was named Luuuke Skywalker. I'm so glad clone naming conventions didn't make it into canon. Instead of Captain Rex we'd have Jaaaaaaaango Fett. Another issue with this is pronunciation. I call him L-oo-oo-oo-ke. Should it be pronounced the same as Luke? I know I sound like an idiot when I say it the other way, but it's just so much more fun.
7. The Planet Of Kadrill
An old article called 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe ends with "The Five Goofiest Moments of the Star Wars Mythos." One of the listed topics was "Han and Luke in drag!" After some research I found that this referenced an old newspaper comic strip called "The Planet of Kadrill." In this strip, Han and Luke must apparently disguise themselves as women, wearing bright pink shirts. I'm just going to let that one speak for its self.
6. The Hyperspace Hoopla
Even before Disney bought Lucasfilm, Star Wars played a major role in Disney Parks. Star Tours, one of my personal favorite rides, has been around since the late '80s. The mid-late 2000s brought Star Wars Weekends to Disney's Hollywood Studios, injecting some amazing Star Wars Galaxy fun to the park. However, it also brought one of the most cringe-worthy things I've ever seen: The Hyperspace Hoopla. During the show, Star Wars characters would sing, dance, and even occasionally rap. Disney, I beg that this never returns for the sake of my sanity.
5. Ssi Ruuk
Wouldn't it be cool if Star Wars were to meet Jurassic Park some how? I promise it wouldn't. The Ssi Ruuk are a species of sentient Velociraptors that first appeared in Star Wars: The Truce at Bakura and at one point sat down to dinner with Darth Vader. They're not scary like Jurassic Park raptors. They're just average talking raptors.
4. Mount Sorrow
At one point back in the '80s, Marvel did a comic series about the Ewoks which was based on another property that we'll get to shortly. That series introduced Mount Sorrow, a sentient talking mountain top who can blow people away and whose tears have a healing power. Some may disagree with me, but I love Return of the Jedi and the Ewoks. Who expects to be stoned to death by teddy bears? Certainly not the Endor imperial garrison!
However, I draw the line at talking mountains. There's a certain point at which something creative becomes sort of offensive to the content it was based on. Sorry Mount Sorrow, you're a mess.
3. Ewoks Cartoon
Again, I'm an Ewok fan, but this was a little weird. What if you were to combine TaleSpin and Star Wars? You would get an ABC Saturday morning cartoon about Ewoks. I can't really explain it. Check out the theme song above and see what you think.
Jaxxon may be odd, but I'm not exactly against him. For those who don't know about Jaxxon, he's a smuggler from the planet Coachelle Prime. Oh, and he's a green talking rabbit. Jaxxon was originally created as comic relief for Marvel's early Star Wars comics. He's witty and entertaining in my opinion. Here's what Pablo Hidalgo of the Lucasfilm Story Group had to say on a Star Wars forum where he talks to fans and answers questions using the name Pabawan:
Everybody SHOULD love Jaxxon. It's good for you.[…] Jaxxon is the great leveler. The cosmic alarm bell that says to take a deep breath for a minute, then by all means, carry on. It's difficult to have a rousing debate about the EU when someone keeps bringing up space carrots and the Holy Hutch
Silly rabbit! Star Wars is for kids!
1. The Holiday Special
How could I not make this my number one? The Star Wars Holiday Special is widely known as one of the most nonsensical Star Wars creations ever. We see the Wookiee's creepy, cult-like, "Life Day" ceremony. We see Chewbacca's wife watch cooking shows. We see Mark Hamill in enough makeup to make us feel seriously uncomfortable. We even see Bea Arthur sing a song as a cantina owner. The Star Wars Holiday Special is famously bad, and we all love it.
Star Wars bloopers are always a blast to watch:
Star Wars is special to me for so many reasons. Over the years, it's made me laugh, it's made me cry, and it's made me cringe. But that's why Star Wars is so great. Once you embrace the cringe inducing aspects, you realize just how great it is. Despite the silliness, Star Wars is — and always will be — my favorite franchise.
What's your favorite crazy Star Wars moment or character? Share it with us in the comments!