Three Great (Non-Action) Roles for Bruce Willis

By Jonathan J Moyaon · 3k saw this· 11+ people are talking

Mr Clean - the Autobiography:

This vanity production has Willis rising above the industrial accident that caused him to lose his hair and becoming the President of Proctor and Gamble where he immediately decides to spin off the company into a "Grime" fighting organization that initially just did homicide cleanups, but ends up being the chief supplier of forensic chemicals for CSI labs across America. When the woman he loves (played by Cybill Shepherd) is tragically killed in an industrial spill too dirty and nasty to clean up, Veritably Clean after going through the five stages of grief - pine aroma, lemon refreshed, Sunshine fresh, no wax and full strength - eventually reformulates himself into the new Mr Clean - growing whiskers, wearing his dead fiancees ring as an ear ring, getting into brawls and receiving lots of "shiners", even becoming a informant and testifying against dirt, eventually discovering that her death was a cleanup. Veritably solves the crime but discovers a dirty little secret his fiancee kept from him for years-- that she had a daughter named Annie, who only knows him as Daddy Warbucks and who mistakes him for a genie because of his incessant arm folding, ear ring and tendency to magically appear at the right time.

I Dream of Jinnie:

John McLame discovers that he not only can see and hear dead people, but he has fantastic strength and is almost totally "unbreakable". The dead tell McLame the three wishes they most want him to hear and relate to their most loved living relative. One dead soul in particular, who died when he was left holding the bag given to him by a suicide bomber too chicken to follow through a planned attack on a NYC subway station, effects him deeply. After reading some passages from the dead man's Koran, McLame discovers that he is really a Jin, a male Genie. McLame goes about fulfilling the dead man's last two wishes and eventually grows close to his mourning fiancee, an American played by Cybill Shepherd. They eventually get married at night during a Moonlighting ceremony.

Bruce Willis: The Autobiography

Ripped from the impossibly true story of Bruce Willis' life it is about Walter Bruce Willis, his rise to stardom and his eventual disenchantment with all things action related. An American soldier stationed in a base near Idar Oberstein West Germany falls in love with a German lass, gets married and has four children. After being discharged from the military Senior Willis moves his family to New Jersey. The mother works in a bank and the father has jobs ranging from mechanic, welder to factory worker. Young Bruce was a stutterer taunted with the name Bucky Buck, but lost the stutter whenever he acted on stage. He supports himself through college as a private investigator and working shifts as a security guard in a nuclear power plant, majoring in drama. After he moves to Los Angeles he becomes a star, but gets stuck in action roles and movies that never feature Cybill Shepherd. He marries Demi Moore, divorces her, remarries again and always regrets never marrying Cybill Shepherd.

For more of my theories, check out my blog

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on GoogleShare on WhatsApp
Around the web:
3k saw thisJonathan J Moya and 11+ people are talking about this