ByJack Carr, writer at
You are the Princess Shireen of the House Baratheon, and you are my daughter.
Jack Carr

You know how it goes in movies. When a character is sent to investigate a mysterious or disturbing occurrence in a remote town or a country hotel, or an apparently-impossible disappearance, some incredibly dark shit is invariably going down. They're probably never coming back, at least not in one piece. But they go anyway.

Don't take the cure, ffs! [Credit: Fox]
Don't take the cure, ffs! [Credit: Fox]

In A Cure For Wellness, Mr. Lockhart (Dane DeHaan) is sent by his company to investigate a mysterious disappearance at a country retreat or, to be more precise, a "wellness center" nestled high up in the Swiss Alps. Apparently he's never seen Shutter Island, because Lockhart agrees to travel to Switzerland where, naturally, some incredibly dark shit is going down.

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Quite how dark is something you probably won't discover unless you actually go to the theater and see for yourself — which, after seeing this smart new Super Bowl spot executed in the style of those creepy prescription drug ads Americans are frequently force-fed, you'll probably want to do.

Check out the trailer in all of its disturbing glory.

Did you catch all of the unsettling activity in that thirty-second teaser? Women in white hooded gowns shuffling through dungeons clutching gas lamps, nurses and doctors playing sexy time, ancient houses burning to the ground, a girl taking a bath without water and poor Lockhart trapped inside some kind of human aquarium? Any ideas? No, me neither, but I feel quite sure the big twist won't make any sense at all, and I'm equally sure I'll love it.

If the Super Bowl spot sufficiently got you stoked, but didn't quite go hard enough on the weird, check out the full-length trailer below. That should do the trick.

A Cure For Wellness hits theaters February 17.

What the hell do you think is going on in the world's creepiest mountaintop retreat?


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