ByJancy Richardson, writer at
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

In the words of the original poster for : Who will survive and what will be left of them? The similarities between Roanoke (and Episode 7 in particular) don't end there, as the AHS crew deliver on of the bloodiest and most surprising episodes in the show's history. Here's what (or, more specifically, WHO) went down.

1. Sidney

I actually expected slimy Sidney to stick around a little longer. In a show brimming with villains of the meat-cleaver-to-yer-face kind, Sidney was a nice counterbalance, reminding us that some of the worst people in this world never raise a blade. Still, seeing the three remaining production staff of Return to Roanoke brutally slain — by deranged Agnes-who-thinks-she's-still-the-Butcher — was a fantastic start to the episode, but the biggest shocks were yet to come.

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2. If You Go Down To The Woods Today

Still reeling from their discovery of Sidney, his cameraman and assistant dead and mutilated, Audrey, Monet and Lee run deeper into the woods. Poor Audrey, who thought that her younger hubby had just peaced out to go work with , finds Rory dangling from a tree, busted open like a piñata at a home for the criminally insane. There's a vague visual parallel to the guard eviscerated by Hannibal Lecter in .

Things get worse when the Polk family show up and prove that they are every inch as murderous and cannibalistic as their on-screen counterparts, but they're also a hell of a lot smarter. These real Polks make bank growing weed, mocking their victims as they snort coke, film their antics and rub seasoning into Lee's leg. Audrey and Monet are obliged to sample the human jerky, and you get the feeling that things are only gonna get worse for these gals.

The real mama Polk
The real mama Polk

Check out the other American Horror Story: Roanoke recaps:

3. Butcher Vs Butcher

The Butcher and ''The Butcher'' meet, albeit briefly
The Butcher and ''The Butcher'' meet, albeit briefly

We've seen the real Mama Polk, the last scene of the episode is reserved for The Real Butcher. She's more silent but violent than dear old Agnes, who prefers to deliver righteous monologues and soak up the theatricality of it all. The real Butcher, however, lets her cleaver speak for her, burying it deep into Agnes's skull as she utters her ever-so-AHS last words:

"I'm sorry...I just wanted to be on TV!"

It's a well-delivered but sad farewell: from her undead Butcher to her rambling schizophrenic Agnes, Roanoke really has been Kathy Bates's season. Well played, lady, you blew us away.

4. Stay Out Of The Basement

The most shocking moment of this episode happened, as so many great horror moments do, in the dark of the basement. Bad boy Dominic tells Shelby that Matt's gone a-wanderin,' and sure enough, she finds him grunting and entangled with that dratted Woods Witch again! This time Gaga is nowhere to be seen, and it's a more grubby, unkempt beast, more like that terrifying twig woman in the parking lot of than Gaga Goes Glamping. Sorry for the dreadful picture quality, but here's Gaga Scáthach compared with a screenshot of Episode 7's "real" Scáthach.

Not quite as becoming as al fresco Gaga, but OG Woods Witch has worked her magical forest poon on Matt, and he's besotted. Finally, we have a decent explanation as to why he returned to Roanoke:

"I am in love with her, Shelby! She’s the reason I came back."

That's surprising enough, but you know what yoga-loving, chakra-aligning, Earth mother Shelby does next? She caves that motherfucker's skull in like Negan reborn. I haven't seen a head smash of that calibre since Irréversible and it's fucking brilliant.

Did. Not. See. That. Coming. Well played, Mr. Murphy.

5. Finn Wittrock

As predicted, showed up, but not in a role we might have expected. It was a real blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, but Finn was actually the one holding the camera as the Polk family torture Audrey, Monet and Lee.

We don't know his name (except for the assumption that he's a Polk), we don't know what his deal is, but we do know that Ryan Murphy has promised us that Finn's Roanoke role will be:

''The most fucked up character of all time."

Seriously, Murphy?! More fucked up than Bloody Face? More fucked up than Drilldo demon? This better be good.

Check out the promo for Chapter 8 below:

We Lost Matt, Agnes, Sidney And More This Episode, So...


Who's next to go?

All images: FX


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