ByHeather Snowden, writer at
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

Spoilers: This article contains many peen related spoilers for Episode 2 of American Gods Season 1, which, given the title, you should've seen coming.

While I want to say that the first things that flock into my brain when thinking of Episode 2 of American Gods are Anansi's extremely powerful "Coming to America" speech, Gillian Anderson offering to flash her boobs, and a 91-year-old Cloris Leachman necking a bottle of neat vodka, they're not. How could they be when "The Secret of Spoons" showed us not one, but two full-on erections: one giant, body-less dick pic, and one floating through Bilquis' space vag?

To be honest, the first episode of lay to rest any doubts that showrunners Michael Green and Bryan Fuller, and director David Slade, would fuck around when it came down to nailing shocking and iconic sex scenes; it featured a dude getting sucked up a woman's vagina, after all. Talk about a bold entrance, and one that was so powerful it marks one hell of a milestone for sexual representation on TV. And we're going to be getting new milestones every week, if the erect cocks in this installment are anything to go by.

For those who require a reminder — though I doubt you do — the sightings appeared as follows:

Peen A) The Dick Pic

In a scene that does not occur in Neil Gaiman's novel, Shadow re-enters the home he once shared with his ex-wife, Laura Moon. In the last episode we attended her funeral and discovered that she passed away in an automobile accident, largely due to the fact she was giving Shadow's BFF Robbie a blowjob at the time. Classy.

As Shadow potters around the house, packing up his stuff, he tries to avoid the white box sitting on their bed that contains Laura's belongings collected after the accident. Spoilers: He fails to ignore it and opens the box. In it, he finds her phone and does a little snoopin': Enter Peen A, a picture of Robbie's dick, which is so fucking massive it essentially explains in one picture why she was cheating on Shadow in the first place. Then, in case you missed it, Shadow looks up at an old picture of him with Laura and bam, Robbie's ridiculous dong takes its place, as clearly — and understandably — this is all he can currently think about.

Peen B) The Peen In Bilquis' Space Vag

Another scene that isn't in the novel, here we get to see — though not really grasp, yet — what happens to the victims Bilquis engulfs into her vagina. In a nutshell, her womb seems to be somewhat of an abyss, a black hole, a galaxy all of its own, and in it are the naked bodies of those she's just fucked into oblivion, still carrying the same expression of ecstasy on their faces. The dude who met his end in last week's episode can be seen floating around in this vag cavern, and as you might expect, he's still totally naked and still very much with boner, which rotates in your face like some sort of peen carousel with a cool spacey background.

While peens on screen are nothing new, I'm really struggling to think of any other show that has paraded erect ones so directly as in this episode of American Gods. Cast your mind back: Westworld whacked out the wang in that orgy scene, but they were either flaccid or shielded by hands; Game of Thrones popped one in a dressing room for little Miss Stark to discover, but it was floppy AF; even Big Little Lies, which is filled with scenes of Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgard banging away only showed his knob once, but even then it was in the trouser and Kidman broke it shortly afterwards with a tennis racket. HBO clearly loves a flop flash, but never have they shoved a gigantic photograph of a dick before the viewers' eyes.

Bravo, Starz, bravo.

Can you think of any peens on TV that were as blatant as this?


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