ByJancy Richardson, writer at
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

Severed pigs' tails, entrails shish kebab and murdered geriatrics— American Horror Story: Roanoke continues, and the violence and disorder established by the first episode shows no signs of letting up.

This week Shelby and Matt discovered more of the horrible history behind their haunted house, with Lee falling off the wagon over her custody battle and the police being generally useless as per usual. Check out the highlights of the week.

1. Night gathers, and now my cult begins...

The episode starts where episode one left off, with Shelby scrambling through the woods to escape some cult freaks chanting around a fire. The sinister weirdos are led by Kathy Bates, delivering some kind of perverted version of the Night's Watch vows:

''I am the fire... I am the shield over every head...''

Kathy and her cronies kill a man in a pig's head and attempt to seize Shelby before she flees for her life. Oh, and was this Gaga cavorting next to Kathy Bates at the sacrificial fireside shindig? Variety seem to think so.

2. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

A giant flaming Blair Witch stick figure is left burning on the Millers' lawn — 'There was something demonic about it,' says Matt (no shit, Sherlock) — but the couple are still reluctant to leave as their life savings are tied up in the ill-considered property purchase. Matt keeps seeing bloody, severed piggy tails. Matt gets weird phone calls saying 'they're hurting me'... even though the phone cord has been cut. Selling the house to the 'Swamp People' for a pittance is looking more and more appealing, huh?

3. Twisted Sisters

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Remember those two creepy sisters we saw in episode one? Well, they're back, and their true, murderous intentions have been revealed. Matt saw them kill a nice old lady and scrawling an 'M for Margaret' on the wall. Then AHS favorite Denis O'Hare shows up in a desperate video, explaining all about the nasty nurses.

They're Miranda and Bridget Jane, who ran an 'assisted living facility' in the house... but the only thing they were 'assisting' those seniors with was dying a horrible death. Suffocation, rat poison, a shot to the head... nothing mattered in that 'sick sisterly game,' which the Janes used to spell out their favorite word on the wall:

Yup, their work is unfinished. Getting your ass outta that hell house is a great move at the best of times, but be extra cautious if your name begins with an 'R'!

4. Worst. Idea. Ever.

This season could pretty much be titled AHS: Terrible Ideas. Despite fans all over the world shouting 'bugger the money, RUN!' at their TV sets, Matt and Shelby have stuck around in the house that'd make Wednesday Addams shit her pants. They love splitting up, wandering in the woods, calling 'who's there'... like, are they trying to get themselves killed? Still, the Worst Idea Of All trophy goes to Lee, who kidnaps her tiny, innocent daughter from her estranged husband, brings her to the House of Horrors, and repeatedly leaves her alone. Big surprise: kid goes missing by the end of the episode.

5. Is this Evan Peters's role in Roanoke?

Image: Instagram / FX
Image: Instagram / FX

The friendly-but-useless cop who comes to the house to investigate Shelby and Matt's latest wild claims just happens to be a dapper red-headed gent. Perhaps this is the role that Evan Peters has dyed his hair red for? With the two-actors-per-part format AHS have going on right now, could we expect Evan Peters to appear as the 'real life' cop in the next episode?


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Images: FX, Instagram


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