I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror and tuck a stray tendril of hair behind my ear. Damn the studios for the lack of info on a Fifty Shades of Grey film release date.
My phone sounds and my inner goddess does the maramba. Could it be the luscious Christian?
"Hello," I purr into the receiver.
"Anastacia," Christian says, sounding amused. "How is the lovely Miss Steele today?"
I try to compose myself. "Christian, I can't take this anymore."
"I'm desperate to see the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. Sure, I've read the book, we all have. But it's not enough. I want the visuals. The graphic, graphic visuals."
"Patience is a virtue...remember?" Christian drawls. My stomach turns a backflip. Get a grip, Steele.
"I don't care," I say petulantly. "I want a release date, and I want one now!"
"Miss Steele..." My name on his tongue - my inner goddess starts doing the macarena at the sound of it.
"I don't normally like gratifying you too quickly. But today's different. Today's the day we've finally got a release date. The film will come out August 1, 2014."
My inner goddess climbs into a rocket and does the polka all the way to the moon. This summer's been great, but next - well, it's going to be seriously sizzling.
"Shall I send my helicopter to fetch you?" Christian asks, and I can hear his wicked grin all the way down the phone line. "We could celebrate...have some fun. Try out my new handcuffs, maybe?"
"Hmm," I say. "Enough of all that tying up and spanking me nonsense. Let's buy an enormous stack of gossip magazines and try and figure out whether or 'll be playing me."
I have a feeling Christian will be disappointed by this, so I'm surprised by the sound of his voice. He sounds...relieved.
"Can we really? I was getting a bit sick of all that power play crap. Maybe we could spoon on the sofa and order in takeout instead?"
"I won't tell if you won't!"
This could be our most deviant act yet.