ByHeather Snowden, writer at Creators.co
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

Sure, Patrick Bateman might have been a batshit psychopath, chainsawing hookers, offing his colleagues and what have you, but for all his faults that sure did bring the sass. And while normally identifying with this '00s movie character wouldn't be advised, when you read this selection of the best American Psycho quotes, I think you'll agree it's inevitable.

1. 'I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

Whisper this when you arrive at the tail end of a long ass queue and wanna make guys scatter pronto.

2. 'I have to return some videotapes.'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

On a Tinder date with a total loser? This solid excuse is your get out of jail card and will also ensure they never, ever contact you again.

3. 'I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly.'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

When you've been listenin' to Marilyn Manson on repeat and your folks try to connect 'cause they're worried about you.

4. 'Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

When that annoying co-worker tries to make pre-coffee small talk. Best delivered while wearing a rain coat and your stinkiest side eye.

5. 'TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW, YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD!'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

Your BFF just dropped their phone down the toilet and you just can't help yourself. Probs need to apologize immediately afterwards, but it's worth it.

See also:

6. 'Not if you want to keep your spleen.'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

Can you have a bite of my burger? Haaaahahaha. No.

7. 'I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

You're trying to teach your nana how to use WhatsApp and it's NOT THAT FUCKING HARD OMG.

8. 'Hey, I'm a child of divorce, gimme a break!'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

OK, so I'm late on rent, but I really feel it's unfair that you're placing all the blame on me.

9. 'I don't want to get you drunk, but, ah, that's a very fine Chardonnay you're not drinking.'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

A.K.A. please drink more now because you are beyond boring and I am beyond bored.

10. 'Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

When your pal buys the same top as you but it looks so much better on her and you're basically overcome with hatred.

11. 'I'm just a happy camper! Rockin' and a-rollin'!'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

I'm literally the most hungover I have ever been and I do not want to be here.

12. 'Why aren't we at Dorsia?'

[Credit: Movie Pilot]
[Credit: Movie Pilot]

Why aren't you at Dorsia?

Will you be using these American Psycho quotes on the regs from now on?

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