It's not everyday you find a friend who'll dispose of your own shit while you chat up a hot neighbor in a blackout, but then again, it's not everyday you find a show as goal-inducing as Broad City. These New York jewesses reign supreme in a complicated world filled with folks trying to make you work crappy jobs and always know the best places to stock a stash. You'd do well to pay full attention to their wise words, and then use them on the daily.
Below you'll find 19 of the best #BroadCity quotes to help your live to its fullest, blazed potential. You're welcome.
1. 'The vah-yine-yah is nature’s pocket. It’s natural and responsible.'
Plus it doesn't get awkward boners in public. Winning!
2. 'I’m an adult and I’m responsible. Let’s go get some candy.'
You do you, girl. That multipack of Wonka's Nerds is an I-N-V-E-S-T-M-E-N-T.
3. 'It’s 2014. Anal is on the menu.'
I'll take 17b with a side of constipation, please.
4. 'I'm not sexually aroused, I'm fiscally aroused.'
Putting the V in revenue. All day, erry day.
5. 'I’m an adult. I should be buying my own pot.'
Then again, a life played by the rules is a life lost.
6. 'I'm crushing it. Two for two. All day.'
A glass of wine with lunch is always a great idea.
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7. 'The four Rs, my friend: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.'
The ultimate life motto for every badass bitch.
8. 'I was so worried that I baked a whole cake. And then I ate a whole cake.'
A.K.A it's your fault I'm fat.
9. 'Where isn’t the bathroom?!'
Liberating isn't it?
10. 'I am not a MOM.'
I may be carrying this child like it's mine but YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
11. 'Who would you rather go down on you: Michael Buble or Janet Jackson?'
Unsure whether you like a person or not? Ask them this question. Any answer other than Janet Jackson is not OK.
12. 'I love me some dumplings. It's like a squirrel clutch with a meatball in it.'
How to make sure your date/friend/neighbor will not steal your lunch.
13. 'I'm a baby. I have no money.'
I literally cannot afford these shoes but mom I like need them.
14. 'I finally figured out my eyebrows. They're sisters, not twins.'
Think Elizabeth and Ashley, sry Mary-Kate.
15. 'You know what's the biggest luxury? Pooping when no one is home.'
And you thought eating chocolate in the bath was the best life could get.
16. 'I just want to like, lay, with a lot of pugs.'
It's your time of the month, you're blazed AF and tbh, only a bunch of cute creatures will ease this pain.
17. 'I’m gonna do one legit pull-up, for real this time.'
But you know what? Dangling is also fine. Let's just dangle.
18. 'I'm a sexual X-Man. I'm Wolverine. I'm Vulvarine!'
When someone asks you if you like superheroes.
19. 'Yas Kween!'
In response to literally any question: Did you have fun last night? Yas kween! Is this pizza yours? Yas kween! Are you high rn? Yas kween! Will you be using these quotes on the daily from now on? Yas Kween!