ByStephen Patterson, writer at Creators.co
Verified writer at Movie Pilot. Follow me on twitter: @mr_sjpatterson
Stephen Patterson

Warning: This article contains spoilers from Feud: Bette and Joan.

There's nothing that Hollywood moviegoers love more than a good old-fashioned feud. From catfights to verbal abuse, what's not to love? However, who needs movies when we had one of the greatest rivalries of all time happening off-screen? The animosity between actresses Joan Crawford and Bette Davis is legendary and the pair's hatred for one another would go down in the Hollywood history books. Such a feud makes for great conflict and that is likely why it's the subject of 's brand new FX drama Feud: Bette and Joan.

The first episode premiered this week and we're already pretty sure that we will be quoting lines from the show for years to come. As expected, Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon deliver some of the bitchiest, hurtful and downright hilarious lines that we've seen on in recent years and we just can't get enough.

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Before we start looking forward to to next week's installment let's reacquaint ourselves with some of the best lines from Episode 1 of so that you can begin to use them in your everyday life.

1. "I've Got Great Tits, Too, But I Don't Throw Them In Everyone's Face."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Joan Crawford

During the 1961 Golden Globe awards ceremony, Marilyn Monroe is summoned to the stage to accept her award. The camera pans over to Joan Crawford's table where Crawford watches on, unamused. This quote from Crawford — delivered with perfection by series star Jessica Lange — set the tone of and it also helped highlight the blatant sexism and, perhaps more so, the ageism that was apparent in Hollywood back in the day.

2. "Is There Anything We Can Do About These Lines? I'm Afraid I'm Going To Be Served For Thanksgiving Dinner."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Joan Crawford

Crawford wasn't only brilliant at insulting others, it appeared that she could be rather self-deprecating, too. Whether or not this is factual is open to interpretation but Lange's portrayal of the character certainly gave us a softer side of the Hollywood actress that differs from the version painted in the Mommie Dearest.

This line from Crawford certainly seems to suggest that she was afraid of her disappearing youth for for fear that her career would be over if she no longer fit the mold of what Hollywood perceived as attractive.

3. "You Know I Never Receive Unscheduled Guests, Not Even My Children."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Joan Crawford

When being bothered by Hedda Hopper, Crawford fiercely walks into her living room, with enough sass to make anyone jealous, to confront the gossip columnist. Being Hopper's first appearance on the show, this scene painted a very clear picture of how much of a busy-body Hopper could be as well as highlighting how much Crawford hated to be bothered.

4. "You Want Me To Work With Her Again? Are You F**king Crazy? Never. Never Again, That C**t."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Jack Warner

As Robert Aldrich (Alfred Molina) pleaded with Jack Warner (Stanley Tucci) to take on his Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? motion picture, Warner launched into a tirade about how much he detested Bette Davis, exposing his true sexist feelings about women in Hollywood in the process. Warner proceeded to call Davis a c**t, which in itself is a momentous occasion — we rarely, if ever, hear this word being used on basic cable.

5. "Usually I Play The Bitch But This Time I Can Sit Back And Watch Bette Do It."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Joan Crawford

When both Davis and Crawford signed on to Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? the pair took part in some press to promote the film. However, neither diva could resist the opportunity to throw shade at each other. In this instance, Crawford won with this killer line and, again, Lange's delivery made it all the better.

6. "None Of The Bitches In This Town. Least Of All Queen Bitch Who Always Thought She Was Better Than Me, More Talented Than Me."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Jane Crawford

She may have detested Davis, but Joan Crawford was peeved when her enemy — or any of the other female actresses in Hollywood at the time — never sent her a congratulatory bunch of flowers when she won the Academy Award for her performance in Mildred Pierce.

7. "I Admire Her Talent And Her Craft And I Will Have Her Respect. Even If I Have To Kill Both Of Us To Get It."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Joan Crawford

Crawford finally revealed that as much as she disliked Davis, she wanted her respect and admiration. If only she knew what lay ahead when the pair started production on Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

8. "Lose The Shoulder Pads & Cut Back On The Lipstick. You're Playing A Recluse Who Hasn't Seen The Sun For 20 Years, For Christ's Sake."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Bette Davis

When on set in Crawford's dressing room, the pair of actresses discussed how much they needed this film to work otherwise their careers were finished. Davis finally confessed that she admired Crawford which caused Crawford to get a little emotional. However, Davis couldn't resist one last jibe, telling Crawford to cut back on her vanity for fear that it would inadvertently sabotage the film.

9. "Please Escort Miss Davis Back To Her Dressing Room So She Can Work On Her Character — Or Shall I Get Out Of This Wheelchair And Walk Off This Set?"

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Joan Crawford

Crawford couldn't take Davis' little tell-tale sessions with director Aldrich so she decided to confront her enemy head on. If this scene wasn't already perfect enough, Crawford did so in her prop wheelchair, making it so much more enjoyable. As we've learned from her roles on American Horror Story, no one can throw shade quite like Jessica Lange.

10. "Hello, Daddy."

[Credit: FX]
[Credit: FX]
  • Said by: Bette Davis

After Crawford told Davis to go work on her character, Davis decided to give Crawford's eccentricities a little competition. Although Davis' character in the motion picture was supposed to be odd, Davis took things to a whole new level, caking herself in white powder make-up. She walked on set, much to the dismay of Crawford and uttered "Hello, daddy" which was received with a round of applause from the other cast and crew. What an iconic moment.

Poll

Are you #TeamBette or #TeamJoan?

Feud: Bette and Joan airs Sundays on FX.

(Poll Image Credit: FX)

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