You've seen X-Men, right? Of course you have. Well grab your tin-foil hat, shut off your webcam, throw your phone in the sea and join me on a white-knuckle ride through the journey of conspiracy. A conspiracy so deep, it strikes deep into the pulsating heart of Hollywood.
What if I told you that, just like the Weapon X program, the film industry is cloning top talent, creating mutant acting machines capable of earning billions at the box office. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the theory that Bradley Cooper is, in fact, a clone of Ralph Fiennes. Now that's out in the open, let's check out the evidence to back it up.
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*Disclaimer: I'm not claiming Bradley Cooper is in fact a "mutant acting machine" — it's all in the name of humor.*
*Disclaimer: For those who believe this conspiracy, the above disclaimer is, obviously, just to throw those in the know off the scent. This isn't really a parody.*
Judge A Book Thoroughly By Its Cover
The idiom "don't judge a book by its cover" is true most of the time, but not always. On a surface level, top biological engineers agree that clones will, in their nature, look the same. They share the same DNA after all. Well, take a look at this picture and tell me that these two aren't completely in sync when it comes to Chromosomes:
Cooper is, admittedly, a younger model. There are 12 years between them; Cooper is 41-years-old, Fiennes 53-year-years old. Presumably, Hollywood's Talent X (that works, right?) found a way to reduce the ageing process. Think of Cooper as cinema's real-life Wolverine.
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Naturally, 79% of biological engineers also agree that the cloned specimen will share some mutual interests with its source species. This manifest itself in many ways, but in the Cooper/Fiennes hybrid, it appears to reside strongest in one area: The love of Shakespearian literature.
Ralph Fiennes is a distinguished and acclaimed Shakespearian actor, rising to fame at the Royal Shakespeare Company and winning a Tony Award for his portrayal of Prince Hamlet in, well, Hamlet. But how has Cooper adopted these traits?
In an interview with more! magazine in 2012, Cooper accidentally let the facade slip, expressing his love for the playwright. He said:
"This is going to sound cheesy, but I remember taking a Shakespeare class in college where we had to read 'Romeo and Juliet'. I'd read it in high school, but not properly and I remember sitting in the library reading it and thinking, 'Hmm, this is weird.' I'm crying."
Yeah, of course you read it at High School. More like during your Talent X treatment, Bradley Cooper. Or should I say, Radley Fooper? Or Balph Ciennes? I digress, let's move on.
Attack Of The Clones
It seems that throughout the interconnected careers of Ralph Fiennes and Clone T-23 (okay, I'll stick with Bradley Cooper for convenience), when Fiennes leads, Cooper eventually follows.
Fiennes made his directorial debut with none other than a modern adaptation of Shakespeare's tragedy Coriolanus (2011), with Fiennes also playing the lead role of titular Roman General Caius Martius Coriolanus.
Now, on an atomic level, this would've set off a crazy chemical reaction in Cooper, because of science. And, as we can see, this came into fruition in more ways than one. Firstly, Cooper later portrayed U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle in American Sniper (2015), thus fulfilling his army role. Secondly, Cooper is also set to make his directorial debut with a remake of the 1954 musical, A Star Is Born. Eerie. Very eerie.
Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Clone
Military portrayals and directorial debuts aren't the only parallels in the pair's career, oh no. Although Fiennes is no doubt one of the most esteemed actors of a generation, for many he is mostly linked with his role as shrill-psychotic-laughter-producing noseless maniac Voldermort in the Harry Potter franchise.
Again, those chemical reactions would've ignited a desire for T-23 to follow the CGI path, and what happens? Yeah, that's right, a few years later Cooper appears in Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy as Rocket Raccoon. Mind blown.
Still in doubt? Well, check this out; earlier this year, a Bradley Cooper lookalike was spotted crashing backstage parties at Sundance Film Festival. Could this be T-24, another clone of Ralph Fiennes? The evidence speaks for itself.
Is this conspiracy true?