Ladies and gentlemen, two thousand and seventeen. Is. Officially. Here!
Wait, is talking in one word sentences still a thing? I. Sure. Hope so.
After one gut-wrenching, ass-kicking, heart-ripping of a year, 2016 has officially come to an end. Now is the time to start over. To find a new you. To get that first hangover out of the way. To break through and make this your year like the people below.
It's also the time for...you guessed it. New Year's resolutions!
No, not yours. I mean, if you want to make some, more power to you. But how much more fun would it be to imagine celebrities' resolutions?
1. Jennifer Lawrence
- Stay upright
In 2013, it began at the Oscars.
In 2014, it continued at the Oscars.
And again in 2015 for Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2...
...and 2016 for X-Men: Apocalypse...
Let's hope this is the year gravity stops picking on her. Or that she wises up and stops wearing stiletto heels at events.
2. Michael Phelps
- Don't try every trendy health fad.
We get it, cupping is supposedly healthy, trendy, all that. But, ew.
3. Betty White
- Keep on keepin' on
She's sick of your shit, 2016! And 2017, she's here to tell you that she won't put up with any of your crap, either.
4. Donald Trump
- Stay the hell off Twitter
Naturally, #ChrisHardwick's @Midnight reply was the best:
5. Justin Bieber
- Stop treating the people who made him famous like dirt.
There isn't enough room on #YouTube to fit all his d-bag moves. Turn over a new maple leaf, already!
6. Kanye West
- Get help and go back to being the wacky Kanye we love to hate and hate to love.
7. Mariah Carey
- Know your limits.
Girl, no. Just no. You're the comeback queen, so please please please come back from this.
And maybe burn that costume.
8. Joe Biden
- Not a thing. Never change, bruh.
Stay savage AF, Captain America.
- The Tragic Timeline Of 2016's Most Heartbreaking Celebrity Deaths, From David Bowie To Carrie Fisher
- 2016: A Terrible Year, But A Great Year For Progressive Blockbusters
- New & Returning Netflix Original Series (In 2017 And Beyond!)
What are YOUR New Year's resolutions? Let me know what they are in the comments, and how long you think you might keep them!