Now, on-screen romance is a notoriously tricky thing. Ask any actor about their experience of making out with random people in front of a camera, and odds are they'll regale you with tales of awkward lighting, terrible breath and horrendously embarrassing run-ins with suddenly on-set spouses. It is, as it turns out, way less fun to pretend to get busy with someone's face than it is to, y'know, actually do that.
Unless, of course, you're #VinDiesel, who it seems takes a very different approach to on-screen make-out sessions: Enjoying it thoroughly, before subsequently saying moderately creepy things about the process in magazine interviews. As such, it seems:
Charlize Theron And Vin Diesel Disagree About THAT 'Fate Of The Furious' Kiss
Y'see, not only did Diesel recently tell USA Today that not only was he "definitely not complaining" about having to make out with his co-star #CharlizeTheron in the recently released #TheFateOfTheFurious, but he made sure to note that Theron absolutely did too.
"Charlize is not a bad kissing partner to have. There are worse things that can happen to you... Do I know she enjoyed it? Oh, my God, yeah. A kiss cannot lie, lips don’t lie. No, they didn’t. She owned it."
Now, putting aside for a second the fundamental creepiness of that whole statement, it's worth reflecting for a moment on the fact that critically acclaimed, award-winning actor (and experienced on-screen kisser) Charlize Theron is almost certainly more than capable of giving off the impression that she was enjoying a kiss, irrespective of whether she was or not. Since that was, at that moment, quite literally her job. As such, it's entirely possible that Vin Diesel's "kiss enjoyment-ometer" is, for lack of a better word, wrong. And, of course, intensely stupid.
Which would, perhaps, explain why Theron's response to the whole kissing thing was a) entirely different, and b) largely focused on its role within the film's wider narrative. As she revealed during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, in response to Diesel's comments:
"I just don’t get it... You can see, look at my hand, I’m forcefully forcing his face, which is what the movie’s about. He's not into it. He’s in love with Letty, Michelle Rodriguez’s character. I’m the crazy chick that’s doing this horrible thing to him, and as he should’ve, his character is, like, frozen, standing there like a dead fish, right?"
Before adding, because sometimes such additions are entirely necessary:
"I mean, it’s insane, and then this whole spiel about 'lips don’t lie.' I like a bit more movement in my men."
Which should, in an ideal world, have been that. Diesel says something stupid. Theron teasingly and professionally corrects him. End of story, right? Everyone goes off to count their giant paychecks, and all is hunky dory in the world of the Furious. Except, of course, for the fact that Vin Diesel turned up on The Ellen DeGeneres Show this past Tuesday, and had this to say in response to Theron's comments:
“What? What? C’mon guys, do I look like a dead fish?"
Which is, of course, about as useful a comment as it initially seems, making it all the more helpful that DeGeneres herself provided the perfect line in response to close off this whole ridiculous saga:
"I don’t know how that solved anything. But that’s fine."
Or, at least, it's over, which isn't quite the same thing as fine, but is certainly close enough to it to allow us all to stop thinking about Vin Diesel's limp, fish-like kisses, hopefully forever.
What do you think, though? Would you like to be inanimately kissed by a stony-faced Vin Diesel? Let us know below!