ByBrooke Geller, writer at Creators.co
Movie Pilot staff writer, aspiring shieldmaiden and friend to all doggos. twitter.com/brookalus
Brooke Geller

Warm up your Walkman and start practicing those dance moves, because Guardians of the Galaxy 2 will be hitting theaters soon! The film will be released in the US on May 5th — that's just one day after official Star Wars day.

In a post on his Facebook, Star-Lord himself Chris Pratt shared a taste of what's to come — and he talks a big game. In fact, he says it will be "the greatest movie in the history of movies":

"There has never been and will never again be a movie like this. Seriously. Ever heard of Citizen Kane? We're much better. Seriously. Our movie just tested at over one million points. Rotten tomatoes already has it at 234% fresh."

Wow, that is fresh. Along with the official neon wonder that is the film's IMAX poster, Pratt revealed some surprising side-effects of watching the upcoming sci-fi. Prepare to be blown away by some potentially empty promises.

Guardians of the Galaxy official IMAX poster [Credit: Marvel]
Guardians of the Galaxy official IMAX poster [Credit: Marvel]

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I Hope You Brought Protection

Do you have such a raging rush on Chris Pratt that you would happily carry Star-Lord's child? Well you're in luck! Not only will help inflate Marvel's bank balance and probably Pratt's ego, but the world will truly be feeling the film's effects for a long, long time:

"This movie will fry your brains and lift your spirits. James Gunn will be elected president of the world. They will add the faces of the guardians to Mount Rushmore for sure. We're gonna get a planet. May 5th will become a national holiday. Everyone will get pregnant. Candy will fall from the sky. Global warming will stop."

I mean, an end to global warming would be great and all, but I'm not too sure everyone is going to be up for a mass spontaneous pregnancy. The science behind this claim is as yet unknown, though it's probably got something to do with that iconic Flight of the Conchords lyric: "My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant."

It'll Be Like Real-Life 'Jurassic World'

Guardians of the Galaxy [Credit: Marvel]
Guardians of the Galaxy [Credit: Marvel]

If there's anything we've learned from Jurassic World and every single Jurassic Park movie before it, the return of dinosaurs is a terrible idea. They're too big, hungry and uncontrollable to peacefully coexist with man, no matter how much money you could make off them.

You'd think Chris Pratt would be aware of this, right? Well, not exactly. He's predicting May 5th to signal a return of the dinosaurs thanks to the sheer epic scale of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. But don't bust out your running heels just yet! Apparently they're going to be a lot friendlier than the ones on Isla Nublar:

"Dinosaurs will come back to life. Which unlike some movies might tell you, is actually a really good thing. Because they won't flip out and kill people instead they'll be your awesome pets. So basically get your tickets as soon as you can. Don't be the only person on the planet who doesn't see this movie."

It's Going To Win Awards — Every Award

Guardians of the Galaxy [Credit: Marvel]
Guardians of the Galaxy [Credit: Marvel]

As if dinosaurs and Groot being chiseled into the side of a mountain aren't exciting enough, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 looks like it's going to absolutely kill it during awards season— and not just the kind you'd think:

" will win every movie award AND about 39 Olympic gold medals in swimming, gymnastics, the skiing event with the gun, x games, snowmobiling and everything. It will win the World Cup and about 7 super bowl rings, sorry TOM Brady."

It's difficult to tell which specific scene would earn Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 such accolades, but my guess is it'll be this one right here:

Poll

What kind of impact do you think 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2' will have on the world?

[Poll Image Credit: Marvel]

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