Aw, there's nothing like a romantic evening with your sexy times partner, be they a hideously deformed mutant murderer, or a humble severed head. Wait- WHAT?
Trust horror movies to make everything completely gross and disgusting. I guess that's why I love them...
Basket Case 2 (1990)
You can always rely on Frank Henenlotter for a large dose of good-natured repulsion. Following from the vile molestation of a regular human woman in the first Basket Case, mutant rapist Belial picks on someone his own size.
It looks like: A giant bag of rotting oranges mating with a 12-pound tumor.
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Before the Siamese Triplet dreams of The Human Centipede, Brian Yuzna was thinking BIG. Oh, so you wanna attach three people together? How about a demented orgy of dozens of interconnecting slimy limbs and orifices? I'm all for 'arty' eroticism, but sex scenes shouldn't really remind you of The Raft of The Medusa...
It looks like: a thousand octopuses exploded and someone with no veterinary knowledge tried to stitch them back together.
Treebeard, NO! - The Evil Dead (1981, 2013)
Call me naive, but I always thought that trees seemed kind of nice. That all changed when I saw the infamous 'Tree Rape' in the original Evil Dead (1981) movie. The horrible rapey version of The Whomping Willow was lovingly recreated in the 2013 remake too: I've included both, for parity.
It looks like: Fangorn wants to make an Enting with you
Moist Necrosis - Cabin Fever (2002)
We all know that getting hot and steamy in horror movies generally doesn't end well. In Cabin Fever, a young couple are just getting into it when Bad Things Happen. Watch the guy's face go from 'Oh, she's enjoying this' to 'Erm, why's there blood' to 'Agh FLESH EATING VIRUS I CAN'T EVEN.'
It looks like: sticking your fingers into a diseased bag of blood and pus
Giving Head - Re-Animator (1985)
One of the funniest and best-acted horror movies you're ever likely to see, Re-Animator only really causes discomfort with its vile creepy 'sex scene'. In a move guaranteed to make anyone watching cross their legs and squirm, the Doc decides not to let a little thing like decapitation get in the way of his gross-out molestation dreams. Off with his head!
It looks like: the worst time ever
So, what have we learned? Horror movies are not the sexiest films in the world. Also, there are more repellent things in the world than you can possibly imagine. Have a nice day.