SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t seen the season finale and don't want to know anything, steer clear.
Holy moly! The True Blood Season 6 finale was a sexy bloody kinkfest, not least cos we got to see Eric's trousersnake untrousered before he burst into a ball of flames.
But, hey, as Mary Poppins says, let's begin at the beginning: it's a very good place to start. The episode opens in the graveyard where Terry was recently buried. Alcide and Sookie walk around and have an intense heart to heart about how everything's so crazy right now.
Alcide's looking pretty fly in his funeral casual and there's epic sexual tension, but then they come across a bunch of vampires playing hide the sausage, and that kind of ruins the romantic atmosphere.
Meanwhile Jason Stackhouse's vampire mistress Violet is angry to see Sookie cos she’s jealous. Once she's been reassured that Sookie’s no big threat, Violet makes out with Sookie! Which is...yeah.
Sookie heads off to the fairy realm to see that Warlow has made a...(wait for it) soulmate maypole (VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT) that will act as their wedding rings. Yeah, I don't get it either. Sookie's not so into it and lightly suggests hey man, instead of this whole wedding nonsense, let's maybe go on a few dates? Grab a caramel frappucino together and hold hands?
Warlow then loses his temper, hits Sookie, and says all sorts of abusive stuff to her. Nyoooo!
Scene change! We're back with the pretty pastel attired vampires chillaxing outside Bill's house. Pam announces to Tara that she's going to hunt for Eric. Inside, Bill's not feeling so good: he's lost his powers and now he's besotted with Sookie again and pretty bummed out at the prospect of her being wedded to another.
Jessica's like hey man, go rescue her and Bill takes along a slightly confused Jason. They send him to go ask Andy for his faerie daughter's blood to access the portal to the faerie realm. While Jason persuades Adelyn to help and to enlist Andy’s help, Bill frees Takahashi.
The world's biggest douche AKA Warlow has tied Sookie to his maypole (metaphor?!). As he tries to sweet talk her into entwining her soul with his, Sookie threatens to throw her light away and ho boy, does Warlow get pissed - he even calls her a danger whore. He starts feeding on her. Luckily, our intrepid adventurers are close! Bill smooth talks the newborn faerie into accessing the other realm, and when that doesn't work, Violet scares her into doing it.
Finally! It works, and there's a vast fight over Sookie. Jason, Violet and Adelyn get Sookie out of the faerie realm while Bill keeps pursuing Warlow. But the faerie vamp is fast and soon it's just Andy, Jason and Violet keeping him out. Bill shows up way too late and Warlow zaps the guy out of the house before locking up Jason, Adelyn and Violet in Eric's old basement hangout. But ha, Adelyn uses his powers to bust them out.
Then Rutger Hauer appears from an alternate realm in Sookie’s house. He holds Warlow back while Jason stakes him to death.
Thennnn, in a real turn up for the books we see Eric, completely NAKED, reading on the snowy mountains minutes before his sun walking powers wear off.
Done surveying the 'scenery'? Ok, press play.
Uh oh uh oh! Billith's magic wears off and we're forced to watch as 's perfect physique bursts into flames.
TIME CHANGE! We're six months in the future. New stuff?
Sookie hasn't been put off men by her homicidal ex. Nope, she's now dating Alcide
Bill is a bestselling writer
Arlene now owns Melotte's, which she's renamed (Bellefleur's)
Humans are now being paired off with vampires for 'protection' against the Hep V infected vamps
There's a fun party and everything seems ok again, but NOOO! The Hep V vamps crash the party and mayhem's about to ensue and, and, and...