ByTom Chapman, writer at Creators.co
tweet: tomtomchap Warden of the North - bearded, tattooed and square eyed 'til the end
Tom Chapman

From Edward Penishands to Night of the Living Milfs, we all love a good porn parody — you name it, someone has probably done it. Whether it be an X-rated version of the '60s Batman series or a homosexual take on Twilight (dubbed Twinklight), no franchise is safe, and the porn business means big bucks. So, with this in mind, it was only a matter of time before someone somewhere decided to take all the dicks and dragons of Westeros and turn into a peen-filled parody porno.

'Stark' Naked

So, here we find ourselves in 2017, and the old gods and the new have gifted us Queen of Thrones, an XXX parody from porn house Brazzers. Check out the safe for work version below:

You may be able to spot shrinking "Littlefingers," bouncing dragon eggs, and plenty of pointy ends, but does anyone else feel that the Brazzers parody is a little light on the "peen" of the Seven Kingdoms?

A press release for Queen of Thrones reads as follows, and it sounds like there will be some frosty f*ucking against the snowy backdrop Westerness (personally, I would've called it Wester-hoes):

"We return to the Brazzers world of Westerness, where a sudden rise of Dead Walkers threatens the very existence of humans in the land. The threat of the undead is confronted by John Doe (Xander Corvus); humanity has a warrior."

"However, in an effort to warn the corrupt Queen Sexcei (Rebecca Moore) of the impending threat to her kingdom, Doe is jailed and left helpless – until the mysterious appearance of The Red Woman (Romi Rain)."

"Doe is freed and, as a fugitive on the run, must decide whether to return to save the people of Queen Sexcei’s kingdom from an undead coup. Unheeded warnings may cost Queen Sexcei her kingdom, and Westerness its most steadfast warrior."

It may not sound quite as raunchy as 50 Sheds of Grey — a British version of 50 Shades of Grey about an erotic gardener — but fans of 's world are probably packing for Rivercum in anticipation of Queen of Thrones.

That being said, Game of Thrones itself is already a veritable porn smorgasbord. Only recently in Season 7, we saw Grey Worm and Missandei ogle each other's High Gardens and give us all a Casterly Rock on, while most of the cast have flashed us more than just their Flea Bottom. While Thrones may have toned itself down slight and these days we tend to focus more on White Walkers than White Wankers, the earlier seasons often stepped inside the seedy world of Littlefinger's brothels and gave us all a reason to blush.

For any porno to top Thrones and its R-rated rudies, you would pretty much have to smash-cut to a bunch of naked people boning a dragon and just keep that going for the movie's full runtime. Given that Game of Thrones isn't shy of the odd bit of how's your father, and with HBO's other show Westworld already giving us a four-minute orgy scene, the network pretty much creates its own pornos without the use of shaky sets, shakier scripting, and Sean Bean-Flicker.

If Queen of Thrones has got you wet in Westeros, you can tune in from July 30 for the four-part series. As a sequel to Brazzers' popular Storm of Kings (someone really needs to work on their parody names), the latest chapter focuses on the horny battle between White Walkers and noble knights. To be honest, I would probably rather just watch Grey Worm and Missandei scissor some more — if you can't even come up with a sex pun for the Red Woman, what are you really doing in this business?

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