Readers welcome to my imaginary living room in my sick mind. Do you know what time it is? It’s story time! I’m going to tell you all a few stories of me growing up with my superhero buddies. Hmm who should I start off with? Oh, I've got it- the Dark Knight (the big bad bat).
Batman ( The Christian Bale Version):
It was Halloween evening, Christian and I were just little kids, probably around 10-12 yeas old (we were high on sugary sweets that night, so I can't remember exactly)! We were watching the Adam West Batman just wishing we could be just like Mr. West, then Christian turns and looks a me with a mouthful of candy saying “Dude, I could so be Batman!” As I tried to hold in my laughter I looked at him and replied “ Sure dude whatever you say.” He just sat there pouting, crossing his arms- then he looks back at me and says “Check out the voice I came up with for him.” The iconic voice of death came to life that Halloween evening. I remember I covered my ears wondering if he was choking on marbles or if he have throat cancer?! Nonetheless, years later I see him playing as Batman or as they call him "The Dark Knight" . I really regret telling him his voice sucked... wait what am I saying, his voice still sucks!
Now Thor, he’s a piece of work. I mean, he’s that type of guy that just pisses you off when he’s not even trying. Ok for example: we were playing chess or checkers (my memory is foggy but it was an intense board game). So I’m thinking I’m whooping his steroid-Barbie-looking self, but this sly son of a gun pulls a wizard move on me! I say to him during the game “ Aye blondie I’m so whooping your ass right now.” But he just sits there all cool and collective. I look at him then say “It’s your move Viking boy!” He finally moves his piece and what does he say? “Check mate.” I look at him side ways thinking "yea he cheated". With anger I yell "Oh my God!!". He replies (all casual like as if he didn’t do anything) “Who’s this God you speak of?” With pure anger I leap across the table yelling “You son of a b….!” Yea I'd rather not repeat the last letters but it got ugly. That guy cheats- I know it.
Tony Stark (Ironman):
Tony is a party dude! So many fun times with him but I’ll never forget the night he got hammered big time!
Tony and I are just sitting on the couch just talking about life- how he's going to make a suit and name himself Ironman, I start laughing thinking “this guy is so drunk”. I tell him “Man, you should be a total asshole to people and sleep with tons of women. Just be a playboy”. We both laugh and agree, so at this point Tony is down to his 24th shot of tequila. I have no idea how he’s still alive. Then his crazy rich guy Tony pulls out a Klondike Bar (I mean out of nowhere). He asks me: “Evan, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?” Now I’m still standing there looking at him dumbfounded, but not because he asked me that question, because the guy literally pulled the Klondike Bar out of nowhere. So I’m here thinking “That’s so unsanitary, I mean where did the ice cream come from? Did it come from his pants? So he literally walked around all day with ice cream up his ass?” I finally reply “ Your mom.” To be honest I don’t recall the rest of the story I think I got beat up by his body guard, and years later Tony gets captured, then he’s back as Ironman- go figure.
Superman (Clark Kent):
I use to live in a small town called Smallville in good ole Kansas. It was a cool town (besides the crazy tornadoes that killed Clarks dad) and finding out your best friend is an Alien from another planet (that got messed up)! Also your friend has issues with a green rock that happens to look just like a glowing popsicle. My best bud Clark and I were tight, if our hot chocolate went cold he could just heat it up. Ahh the good ole days, Clark was just really cool but he’s so evil for not saving all those people in Metropolis. Seriously people, Man of Steel was a great movie! Get over it, and key thing to remember is that it's just a movie! Nobody actually died! Ok well that’s all thanks for reading my stories.