Tonight is a night of observance and respect ...which is why it's completely necessary you all get SMASHED. In order to see that our dear Saint Patrick is properly honored, we've provided you an appropriate standard of drunkenness set by our favorite celebs:
1) If you can still walk, your night is LONG from over.
Look at Rob - he's just getting started!
2) If nonners start to bring you down it's only a sign you need to keep drinking.
See? Matt LeBlanc don't give a flyin' BUCK what you think.
3) Fact: You're not drunk enough until you're making out with your mother.
And who else could we ever count on but Lindsay Lohan?
4) If you've got an itch you're not ready to scratch in public you have so many more shots to take.
And if you're half as buff as Janice's it'll be a public service. So buy that next round - it's for a good cause!
5) You know you've done well when you wake up to your photo-bomb all over the internet.
...extra points if it happened to be a very glamorous movie star.
6) You know you've done even better if you've attempted to throw a punch mid-fall, mid-cig.
Don't worry Mel - we promise we still remember Braveheart.
7) You ain't NOTHIN' till you're caught in a bromance sandwich.
Points if they're actually brothers. Extra points if they're last name is Hemsworth.
8) Not being able to walk is NO EXCUSE to go home.
NOTHING stands between Rob Dyrdek and a party because he BRINGS the party.
9) ...and neither is falling asleep. Even while you're also struggling to walk.
Nice one, Drew!
11) Um ...did someone say three-some? If not, you better gosh-darn drink until they do.
No there's a man who knows an opportunity when he sees one.
12) If you can still distinguish between humans and stuffed animals then it's definitely time for that keg stand.
Until then, Jessica Simpson is MILES ahead of you.
13) You're not going home until you've started a fight.
John Tucker will NOT die!!
14) And when you do go home, it better be because you're hosting the after party, and you better be looking like this: