ByBrian Salisbury, writer at
Brian Salisbury

During a recent appearance on The Graham Norton Show, revealed that while he would do another Indiana Jones film "in a New York minute," he was still waffling on the decision to return to the Star Wars universe. This unexpected turn of events has reignited an old geek debate over which of Ford's iconic characters reigns supreme: Dr. Jones or Han Solo? Through a mishap with Moviepilot's trans-dimensional gateway (an intern may or may not have spilled coffee on the control panel), we have been able to bring together Jones and Solo themselves to debate the matter, each from their most recent big screen appearance. Each believes theirs is the franchise to which Ford should return.

Here's how the conversation transpired...

Han: So here we are, two characters played by the same actor. Small world.

Indy: Too small for two of us.

Han: Let's just keep this short, old man, I think Ford's making a big mistake even considering playing you again.

Indy: Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf? It's pretty clear that he chose...wisely.

Han: Damn fool, I knew you were going to say that.

Indy: Just think of it, Indiana Jones, everyone's favorite adventurer, discovering the lost city of Atlantis or searching for anther powerful religious artifact.

Han: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side.

Indy: Tell that to the Nazi's whose faces melted when they opened the Ark of the Covenant.

Han: Is that also what happened to your face, junior?

Indy: Don't call me junior! It's not the years, it's the mileage. Besides, I also have a gun.

Han: Yeah, yeah, and you keep doing that bit where you've lost it or it's not loaded. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.

Indy: Always better to shoot first, eh kid?

Han: NO! There is no first! I was the only one to shoot at all.

Indy: That is a fanboy obsession, Han, I never understood it.

Han: Maybe you'd prefer it back in your wheelchair, your ancientness.

Indy: Please, the most impact you ultimately made on your story arc was sitting in a cockpit or being slowly lowered into a freezing chamber. We should all have it so easy.

Han: Easy? You call that easy? Can you even fly any type of aircraft?

Indy: Fly yes, land no.

Han: So what do you know?

Indy: I'm just saying, you want to be a good archeologist, you gotta get out of the library.

Han: Who wants to be an archeologist?

Indy: No, you'd rather be a scum-sucking smuggler. A criminal.

Han: Don't you steal relics, some of which are considered holy by indigenous cultures, and illegally transport them back to your home country?

Indy: Obviously you don't know anything about The International Treaty for the Protection of Antiquities.

Han: I'm not from your galaxy, and even I know that's not a thing. Anyway, it makes no sense that Ford would even consider favoring you over me. had a deal in place for his return for Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens. It was in final negotiations.

Indy: That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet.

Han: Face it, you've gotten too old to still be the rough-and-tumble hero. People see you in the fedora again brandishing the whip, and their immediate thought is, "where did they dig up this old fossil?!" That's why you had to hand off the bulk of the stunt duties in Crystal Skull to America's favorite action star...Shiny Le Buffalo .

Indy: (Laughs sarcastically) Ha ha...son of a bitch.

Han: Conversely, 's movie will already account for my older age and everyone's already expecting Luke's offspring to be the central hero. I'll still be gorgeous, but admittedly longer in the tooth, however my return will be dignified.

Indy: The hell it will. Disney's got green screen artists in every post-production house from here to Japan. They know how to make every alien and dazzling effect in the book. You'll blend in, disappear, no one will ever care whether you're on screen again. With any luck, they're prepping the mo-cap already.

Han: Please, to quote one of your films, if you actually think it's a better career move for Harrison to play Indiana Jones again instead of Han Solo then I am Mickey Mouse.

Indy: Says the stooge who actually works for Mickey Mouse now.

Han: Let's get one thing straight pal, Disney may have bought Star Wars and the Jones movies may still technically be Paramount's baby, but I take orders from just one person: me.

Indy: Do you believe, Han? Do you believe the possibility of anymore good Star Wars films actually exists?

Han: I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, I've seen a lot of strange stuff. But I've never seen anything to make me believe anything could be worse than that fridge-nuking incident.

Indy: I can only say I'm sorry so many times. Critics, I hate those guys.

Han: So what is Ford's decision really about?

Indy: Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

Han: He's not in it for fan service, man. He expects to be well-paid. He's in it for the money. And Disney will be prepared to pay a hefty reward.

Indy: Fools, bureaucratic fools. We're caught in the middle of something sinister here.

Han: Maybe we're wrong about the guy. After all, he may not look like much, but he's got it where it counts.

Indy: You're right, trust is a problem for me. You know what a cautious fellow I am. I guess it'd be nice to see Ford play either of us again, eh?

Han: Alright, don't get mushy on me.

Indy: I think here's where we ride off into the opposite directions of course.

Han: Fine by me. (Mutters) Boring conversation anyway.


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