Michael Douglas, ladies of the world salute you. We always knew that Michael Douglas had to be offering Welsh glamazon Catherine Zeta-Jones more than dapper silver fox charm and piles of gold.
In a recent interview with The Guardian, Michael Douglas got very candid. So much so that he revealed his throat cancer (that he recovered from in 2011) had nothing to do with his years of quaffing fine whiskeys and smoking cigars - nope, he claimed it was all to do with mouth-petting his wife's love bunny.
On being asked if it was to do with drinking or smoking, he said "No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus."
Right-o. Having presumably ingested vast quantities of truth serum, Douglas continued: "I did worry if the stress caused by my son's incarceration didn't help trigger it. But yeah, it's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it."
As you might have guessed, right-on lady lovers, this isn't strictly accurate - The Guardian referred their readers to Mahesh Kumar, a consultant head and neck surgeon, who stated that he was sceptical that Douglas's throat cancer could have been caused solely by HPV, quoting the surgeon as saying "Maybe he thinks that more exposure to the virus will boost his immune system. But medically, that just doesn't make sense."
The story caused such a kerfuffle that the Associated Press also consulted Dr Michael Brady, who specialises in sexual health at the Terence Higgins Trust. He stated that oral sex could have contributed to Douglas's cancer but that it was difficult to pinpoint a single cause, and that his years as a smoker and heavy drinker would probably have played a larger part in developing the cancer. Brady also stated that there are hundreds of types of HPV virus and that in the vast majority of cases it's not harmful. The risk is so low, he stressed, that he does not believe anyone should alter their sexual practices in any way in response to Michael Douglas's revelations!
So now you know. To celebrate the good news that the act of giving women oral sex doesn't actually lead to throat cancer (or at least, not on its own...), let's listen to the following surprisingly dour choon about cunnilingus.
Annnnnnd, a more catchy take on ladies getting head:
And, finally - a chillaxed 90s oral sex ballad!
Let me know what you think of Michael Douglas's iffy grasp of medical science and lady parts below.