Look away, dear reader, look away, for nothing could be so tumultuously terrible as hearing more dreary rumors about the plight of the Baudelaire orphans—especially not ones that pit them against notorious space smuggler turned weather man, Nathan Fillion.
The star has joined the cast of Netflix's hit show #ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents for its second season. His role is as yet unconfirmed, but chances are it's a character so unspeakably horrible that keeping it from the public eye is a mercy that could only be matched by the forthright axing of this woeful tale. Best known and loved for his work on Castle, or Joss Whedon's short-lived Firefly, the everyman Nathan Fillion has become something of a serial guest star offender for on popular US shows from Brooklyn 99 to the hit sitcom Modern Family.
Fillion has been cast alongside a slew of other sadistic names: Tony Hale; Sara Rue; Lucy Punch; and Roger Bart will all be wading into the pitiful proceedings. No information has been forthcoming about this casting news, which is a certainly sinister foundation on which to build a second season of the series. Cease reading now. This is your final warning.
So what character from the novels could the multi-series guest star be playing?
6. Vice Principal Nero
The arrogant and asinine arbiter of The Austere Academy. At the end of Season 1, the Baudelaires found themselves stranded at Prufrock Preparatory School, where they're about to learn some very harsh lessons at the hands of this strict, balding, musician.
Physically, Fillion doesn't immediately fit the bill, but A Series of Unfortunate Events has displayed some exceptional examples of hair, make-up, and costuming, so Nathan Fillion could feasibly be anyone...just like Count Olaf.
5. Jerome Squalor
The timid yet tender Jerome Squalor first appears in The Ersatz Elevator, alongside his grasping wife Esmé Squalor. Jerome was once a cohort of the Baudelaires' mother, and he typifies the sort of overly-trusting yet ineffectual adult that the Baudelaires came to depend on during Season 1.
Nathan Fillion has played arrogant characters and pathetic characters, but he always conveys a sense of likeability with a penchant for expressive humor. He'd make a perfectly frustrating Jerome Squalor, as much as anything can be perfect in this sadistic series.
The helpful handyman of The Vile Village is another adult that displays promise but doesn't quite go far enough to provide the Baudelaires with a role model displaying what most humans know as a backbone. He is something of an anti-establishmentarian, conveying some anarchic ideas that the Baudelaire orphans feel a kinship with, and begin to adopt more and more as the saga progresses.
The character also has some suspicious connections to the nattering narrator Lemony Snicket. If Fillion does step into Hector's overalls, then its possible that he'll engage with Snicket actor #PatrickWarburton in the show's sneaking sub-plot featuring a cast of very frightening detectives.
Fillion is less likely to be playing the eager yet elderly librarian of Heimlich Hospital than others on the list, but as mentioned, you cannot trust the hair and make-up department of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Hal is the Beaudelaires' unofficial guardian in The Hostile Hospital, which they visit on their quest to uncover the secrets of the initials V.F.D. He serves as a fearful example of how far they're willing to go to discover what their parents were up to, as their actions throw up some burning comparisons to the dastardly Count Olaf.
2. A Member Of The Freakshow
Nathan Fillion could play a self-consciously incredible curiosity from The Carnivorous Carnival, whether its Hugo the Hunchback, ambidextrous Kevin, or Colette the Contortionist. We're deep in spoiler territory here, so we'll simply say that this tangled narrative becomes even more tricky by this point. Trust nobody, not even #NathanFillion.
1. A Nefarious Newcomer
There is a lingering suspicion, however, that Fillion could be playing someone too terrible to have ever written, only appearing in the cruel and cinematic form of streamed television on #Netflix. We hope not, we truly do, but hope is a bitter pill in this vibrantly fearful drama.
#ASeriesOfUnfortunateEventsSeason2 is due to cover the next five novels in Lemony Snickett's award-winning saga of misfortune, taking the Baudelaire orphans from The Austere Academy through to The Carnivorous Carnival. Suffice to say, their suffering doesn't come to a sprightly end after the finale of Season 1, and each subsequent chapter in their saga is increasingly more miserable than the last.
Season 2 is currently in production with no release date yet confirmed. A third season of the show was announced with the intention of closing out the show with the final four books of the series. Will the Baudelaires finally find their happy ending in the third and final season? No. I regret to inform you that they most certainly will not.
Are you looking forward to seeing Nathan Fillion try to filch the Baudelaires' fortune? Or do you think he could actually be a Very Friendly Dude? Sound off below.