Are we really alone in the universe? What's lurking under Trump's wig? Is Shia LaBoeuf insane or just trolling us all? These are legitimate life questions. One question, however, that I just don't understand, is why more people don't watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Carol Vorderman herself could not answer this conundrum.
This post is written for any of those annoying on-the-fencers, anyone who thinks the show is "not their bag," and for anyone who needs to send a would-be fan some much-needed literature. I'm going to try my damn hardest not to include any big spoilers but it's going to be a struggle so BEAR WITH ME. Or just do us all a favor and leave this article now and go and watch it.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best TV show and people need to know. Here are my reasons why.
1. Every Single Character Is Despicable
In "the Gang," we find Dennis Reynolds (Glenn Howerton), Deandra "Dee" Reynolds (Kaitlin Olson), Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day), Ronald "Mac" McDonald (Rob McElhenney) and Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito).
Or in other words,
- a sexually-charged, self-obsessed psychopath
- a delusional, fame-hungry bartender
- an illiterate and quirky "wildcard"
- a closet-bound fitness freak
- and a grotesquely fun-loving pervert
They're all just awful.
2. The Supporting Cast Is Disgusting
If it wasn't enough already that the main cast is awesome, the supporting cast is equally spectacular. There's the milk-drinking, robe-clad, incest-loving McPoyle Brothers (a great Halloween costume if ever I've heard one), the "street rat" Rickety Cricket (who used to be a priest) and Charlie's creepy uncle Jack, a man obsessed with his small hands.
3. You Can't Imagine Danny Devito Like This
Whether chasing "delicious nose clams" or crawling out of a sofa oiled-up and naked, Devito's Frank Reynolds is beautifully repulsive. Most people will have seen him as the crazy dad in Matilda or the pasty villain in Batman Returns, but he's even more over-the-top here. Every self-respecting person needs Frank Reynolds as their spirit animal.
"I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left. I’m gonna get real weird with it."
4. There's Music To Rival Broadway
"The Birds of War," "I Like Paddy's Pub," "Dayman," "The Nightman Cometh." For the uninitiated, these are just random words. Fans of the show know these musical numbers as pieces of strange, strange genius. Get on YouTube and check it all out for yourself.
5. The Writing Is Hilarious
For this point I'm just going to list some of the best lines completely out of context that showcase the show's crass intelligence:
"Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese."
"Here’s a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!"
"Do not plug an open wound with trash."
"Hi. Um, I'm a recovering crackhead. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare please."
"I’m not fat. I’m cultivating mass."
6. There's Absolutely No Character Development
In fact, there's the exact damn opposite. The best example? Rickety Cricket. He goes from a successful and healthy priest to absolute rock bottom on the streets of Philadelphia with half his face burned off. Every character on the show gets more selfish, more disgusting and more pathetic over time and it's just great.
7. It Tackles 'The Issues'
Just read some of the episode titles. "The Gang Gets Racist," "Underage Drinking: A National Concern," "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis," "Charlie's Mom Has Cancer," "Who Pooped the Bed?" Compelling stuff.
8. It Gets Weird
"Kitten mittons." Rum ham. Incest. Golden gods. Fat Mac. The gruesome twosome. Motown. Green man. The D.E.N.N.I.S. system. Paint huffing. Dumpster sex. Dance offs. Rats. Trolls. Wine in a can. Karate. Hitler paintings. Ghouls. Pepe Silvia.
If I haven't demonstrated the value of the show by now, then you don't deserve it. The show is a veritable mecca for anyone who's sordid, depraved, cynical, eccentric, disgusting, or just wishes they were. I'll let you decide which camp you fall into.
Why don't more people watch 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia'?
Poll Image: 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' [Credit: FX]