What the squanch is going on with Rick and Morty Season 3? It seems that no one apart from Dan Harmon knows when we're finally going to see what's become of Rick Sanchez, and fans' patience is running short.
In fact, the closest we've come to a detailed update on Season 3 (apart from basically blaming himself) was this witty rap from Harmon himself, which basically boils down to, "they're drawing it":
- Oh Squanch! Times 'Rick And Morty' Got Way Too Real
- Dan Harmon Talks 'Rick and Morty' Season 3 Release Date, Is Fan Pressure The Cause Of Delay?
- Have A Squanch At This Raunchy 'Rick And Morty' Season 3 Footage: What's Up With Rick?
Welcome To The Galactic Federation
You'll definitely remember that #RickAndMorty Season 2 ended with Rick being carted off to prison, but don't forget another very significant event. Earth became the 6,048th planet to join the Galactic Federation, making Morty's home planet a very different place. Earth has now become the hottest travel destination in the galaxy for alien tourists, and the Galactic Federation have launched a new website to help its original residents "assimilate into our vision of one united universe".
The website offers an array of free but mandatory perks for humans, including 24-hour monitoring, rationing of resources and biometric instillation. Oh, and don't forget to insure your Plumbus!
But Wait, There's More
But clicking the link to sign up for a Galactic Federation Rewards Card instead redirects to a private server operated by a Gromflomite with the username of Fr33R1CK5455 (obviously a big Rick supporter). The page acts like a social media platform for him and his friends, where the aliens share viral videos, social justice posts and discuss Earth's most bizarre and disturbing customs.
Oh, and there's a couple of potential Rick and Morty Season 3 Easter Eggs in there, too. Here's some of the most intriguing posts to be found:
The front page of the Galactic Federation page for Earth looks like your standard government-made website, but something's a little off. The code for Earth is C-137— which, if you remember from Rick and Morty Season 1, was the dimension that got overtaken by Cronenbergs thanks to Rick's failed attempts to fix his botched experiment. Rick and Morty abandoned that dimension and instead travelled to a world where the Cronenberg disaster was averted, replacing the Rick and Morty that had just been killed in that world.
It was a complicated episode, but the point is: why does the code for Earth refer to a world overrun by disfigured Cronenbergs? Surely this couldn't be a mistake? And what does this mean for Season 3?
2. Handy How-To Guides
Assimilating into Earth culture isn't easy. What humans find natural is often confusing and, well, alien to intergalactic newcomers. Luckily, the website is loaded with detailed guides on a variety of subjects, from child-rearing videos made by "Blurt Feed", to a lifehack on "how to catch all of Earth's hottest diseases".
There's even a guide on choosing the ideal Earth religion— who wouldn't want to get amongst the followers of the great wizard, Chris T. Anity? However, there's one "barbaric" theology that isn't recommended— veganism:
"Not all religions on Earth are peaceful. There’s one in particular known for its violent teachings and deranged, barbaric followers bent on throwing the world into chaos. It’s called VEGANISM, and its primary goal is the destruction and consumption of all plant and flora-based life in the universe. No civilized member of the Federation should ever be associated with this disgusting sect, and we do not support it. But as champions of all sentient life, it is our duty as a news organization to inform the public."
3. Rebellion On The Horizon?
According to an alarming report, "human morale is low", and the planet's original inhabitants have taken up illegal activities to sate their deviant behavior via black market activity: Farmers' Markets. Humans are using these stalls to peddle an array of illicit substances, including cold-pressed juices— but that's not even the worst part:
"Humans grow their own living sex toys, known as zucchini. Pulled from the dirt and nourished with fecal matter, these phallic delights come in all shapes and sizes to service humans’ various holes. We observed humans buying them by the handfuls, no doubt to shove into their partner after a night of cold-pressing."
On a more serious note, there may be some major discord amongst the humans of Earth in Season 3:
"Despite the positive puff pieces being puffed into our government-mandated infovapes, humans are NOT taking their transition into the Galactic Federation lightly. Many Federation-controlled businesses on Earth are reporting spikes in vandalism, and rumors of an underground rebellion are starting to swirl."
4. A Cute "Cat" Video
One thing aliens aren't having any difficulty getting behind is cute cat videos. They're big fans of the fluffy little Earth critters, and have even taken to adopting them, as shown in a super adorable Blurt Feed video.
Except the kittens aren't kittens at all — they're rats. Oh.
5. A Progressive Message About Love In All Its Forms
Humans may have their faults, but no one's judging them for who they love. A heartwarming video on "beautiful interspecies couples" shows a slideshow of a variety of Earth couples— including a lion and zebra, Summer and an ice cream sundae, and what appears to be a hotdog in a cup. No judgement, only love!
6. Information On The Battle Rick And Bird Person Fought In
It's not all cute kitten and couple videos for the Gromflomites. The anniversary of the Battle of Blood Ridge brings up horrible memories for many, thanks to one notorious Earth soldier: Rick Sanchez. Apparently Rick celebrated his victory by rubbing his genitals on the faces of fallen soldiers, and a whole lot worse.
On a less disgusting note, the post also mentions that it's been one "glaagnar" since Earth joined the Galactic Federation. This might translate to one year in Earth time, which would mean a bit of a time jump for Rick and Morty Season 3.
7. A Social Justice Rant On Cultural Appropriation
Aside from the horror of seeing humans grow their own organic sex toys, the Pizarian race are absolutely horrified at humans' carelessness surrounding other cultures. Despite their race's "bloodied history", the humans continue to make food in the shape of Pizarians and eat it in public, willfully ignorant of the ramifications of their offensive behavior:
"You see red pepper flakes, I see archaic torture devices meant to burn Pizarian bodies. You see a pizza cutter, I see a deadly weapon that ripped families apart during the largest act of terror in our modern history. You see stuffed crust, I see the bloated, disgusting reminder of our obesity epidemic."
8. Rick's Prisoner Profile
There's an even deeper layer to the website— a prisoner database. It shows the profile of a number of prisoners, including Rick himself. And yes, he really is wanted for "everything".
There's a theory that Rick will eventually disappear from the database, signifying his escape and the start of Rick and Morty Season 3. Keep your eye on that website!
How are you coping with the wait for Rick and Morty Season 3?