ByJancy Richardson, writer at
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

So it's a hot day and is lakeside, hanging at the yacht, getting up close and personal with an equally foxy female companion. Surely, Taylor, the overflowing joy of your fabulous life compels you to give this girl a euphoria-induced kiss? Just a little one? Then you can see how it goes, take it from there. I understand it's your first time with a woman, Taylor, but relax. It's probably her first time, too. It's natural to be nervous, I get it; those youthful butterflies, those heartrending Judy Blume feelings...and J-17 just never told you how to make love to a woman. I can talk you through it, if you like. We have all the time in the world.

Things take a turn for the weird when her new ladyfriend confesses to a Christmas fetish, but Taylor bravely plays along.

Don't panic, Taylor, being naked is the most natural thing in the world.

That's right, Taylor, bask in the afterglow. All the worries, all the angst, just melted away when you fell into her kiss. It was scary, but you said yourself, you 'don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.'

Taylor celebrates her newfound success with the ladies with a celebratory lap of the lake. Answers on a postcard as to why the other lady remains out of shot.

Taylor Swift: older and wiser now.

Ellen is so fracking proud of you.

Kudos to Drunken Stepfather for hosting the gorgeous black and white shot that started this sexy madness off.


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