Rogue One is upon us — Star Wars is back! Rogue One is finally here and all of us — the relentless Star Wars fandom — will be able to sink our teeth into every detail. We'll devour every space monkey, every AT-ACT, every kyber crystal and blaster bolt. With a new #StarWars movie comes so many new and amazing things, but we've learned over the years that some bad things can come along with as well. With every "Duel of the Fates," there's a Jar Jar Binks. With every crossguard lightsaber, there's another Death Star. With every action-packed lightsaber duel, there is an overlong council meeting.
Rogue One is shaping up to be the most unique and mysterious Star Wars yet, but with that novelty comes uncertainty. What if K-2SO is more like prequel-era 3PO instead of original trilogy? What if Orson Krennic is more of a Dooku and less of a Tarkin?
We can't wait to see Darth Vader in his prime, Death Troopers laying down the law, blind frickin' ninjas taking down the Empirical army. There are so many things we are dying to see, but what are some things we don't want to see? What are we afraid will pop up in this new "Star Wars Story"? Well, let's break it down. Here is the list of the top five things I don't want in #RogueOne.
5. A Lot Of Similarities
The most common complaint I've heard about #ForceAwakens (besides it being "too darn awesome!") was that it is too similar to Episode IV. The reasoning behind this complaint is fairly obvious. The movie went beyond "cinematic poetry" and dipped slightly into remake-territory. Now, this didn't bother me at all while watching the movie. The similarities made me feel like I was greeting an old friend after a long time apart. It felt welcoming, exciting, and even "safe." I don't blame the movie at all for this and I think it created a perfect foundation for this new franchise to explode off it.
Rogue One is a different story. This movie isn't re-launching a familiar world or starting a trilogy, it's telling a completely new story. There is no Skywalker drama, no lightsaber clashes, and no chosen one. Rogue One is set to be a down-and-dirty, boots on the ground, bullets in the air war film. It's chronicling the most important military mission in the history of the Rebellion. This story needs to feel fresh, wholly unique, and separate from the Saga films entirely. I don't want people coming out of this film saying Jyn was like Rey or K2 was a rip off of 3PO. I want to feel like I've stepped into a never-before-seen story in a world that I love.
4. Endless Humor And Quips
Humor is a staple of the Star Wars franchise and nearly every successful film series ever. It's an ever-present, essential aspect to drawing in mass audiences and seamlessly telling epic stories. We know humor plays a part of Rogue One just from the trailers. K2 has a quip here and there. Diego Luna's Cassian Andor looks to be a charming rogue. Even Chirrut and Baze Malbus have a fun back and forth. I don't mind that. Life is naturally full of humor and when you're in high-stress situations; it's only natural to release the tension with some well placed zingers. That being said, I don't want this to turn into a roast or a joke-fest.
Force Awakens was very heavy on the humor, from BB8 being the cutest thing ever, to the awkward workplace relationship between Ren and Hux, but this film should limit that humor to very small bits. This is a war. This needs to be the movie that earns the franchise the name of Star Wars. I don't need a dower slog of a film where everyone is moping and dying, but I still want a healthy dose of drama and action with only a sprinkling of jokes. Too much to ask? Well, I am a Star Wars fan.
3. Unnecessary Cameos And Callbacks
The galaxy far far away is a large place. It's such a large place that we can visit new planets and see different aliens in each movie. Still, the franchise has a bad habit of tying everything together and over-connecting the universe. C-3PO just happened to be made by Anakin? Jabba was at the Podrace? Bib Fortuna was on the Jedi Council? OK, I might have made that last one up, but still! The universe of Star Wars is vast — we don't need to see that every character secretly knows each other.
We don't need the fact that this is a Star Wars movie jammed down our throats. That means no young Han Solo cameo, no teaming up with Boba Fett, no Mas Amedda exposition scene, no Obi-Wan mention, and please, no Snoke Easter Egg. We have Vader, Mon Mothma, and Bail Organa. It's rumored we have Tarkin. It's possible that Leia and R2 make a brief appearance, but that it! Please no more! I don't need to know what Sebulba is up to. I don't want a casual mention of "that moisture farmer" or "Remember Poggle the Lesser"? No. Enough. I want this to be a relatively self-contained story that introduces new characters, new worlds, and doesn't have to connect to everything else.
(But if you could devote 30 minutes to the life and times of Raymus Antilles, that would be awesome.)
2. A Love Story
Listen, I'm as much of a sucker for a good romance as anyone. Romance is a big part of big, sweeping epics, especially Star Wars. Its been true since the dawn of epic storytelling. Every Star Wars film has it (or at least tries to have it) and this new trilogy doesn't seem to be any different. But Rogue One needs to be different. This movie, as I've overstated at this point, isn't a gigantic adventure, it's a grimy special ops mission. There's no time for romance when you're being hunted by the Empire and haunted by Vader.
From the looks of it, this film will take place in just a matter of days and with a "major weapons test imminent," it isn't realistic for there to be a love story. Rogue One shouldn't fall prey to the Marvel formula of just having good looking people fall for each other. It's tacky, it's played-out, and frankly, a little offensive at this point. Sorry Thor, but a Norse God and a Astrophysicist have little in common. Ignore the romantic love and reinforce the love between comrades, between soldiers united under one cause.
Unless there's a deep-seeded love between Chirrut and Baze, I don't want any romance in this film.
1. Too Much Vader
Darth Vader has been kicking galactic butt since before most of us were born. He's arguably the most iconic villain (or character) in movie history. He's a literal force to be reckoned with and we all love him. But too much of a good thing will kill ya. If it were up to me (and most of the fans out there), it would be two hours of Vader just mowing through Rebel scum in every imaginable way. He'd be ripping space ships out of the air, choking fools, slashing aliens into pieces, and basically being the all-around badass we all know him to be.
Thankfully, it's not up to us. A commodity like Vader needs to be used sparingly and with purpose. Every scene Vader is in should be an event, a moment to sit up a little straighter in the theater and try not to blink. He needs to have impact with every line spoken, every move made. Although every possible shot in all movies would be made better with Vader in the background, just standing imposingly, we don't want that.
No, we don't want it!
OK, Maybe we want it.
Alright, enough! We do want it, but not for this film! In Rogue One there needs to be a balance between showing enough Vader that his inclusion seems worth it and not showing Vader too much in order not to cheapen his character. Ideally, I'd have him in maybe four scenes — maybe. One to introduce his role in this film, just an establishing scene. Another to show his anger towards Krennic and the Rebels. A third scene just to prove how powerful he is. And a fourth, brief scene to show him going after the famed CR90 corvette. Krennic needs to be the main antagonist behind this film with just a looming presence from Vader. One solid, intense, force-filled action scene with Vader is enough for me (unless we get a Vader standalone film where he's in his prime, cuttin' down renegade Jedi by the dozen!) That seems unlikely, but at least we'll get some Vader in Rogue One.
There you go! That's my list of five things I don't want to see in Rogue One. What are yours? What are you excited to see? Did you like this article? Did you think it was just an excuse to haphazardly put Vader into other movies? Either way, tell me in the comments below.
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Check out next: "The Ten Best Parts of the Star Wars Prequels" where I talk about every prequels and what's great about them!
'Til next time!
One more for good measure: