BySarah Gibson, writer at
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Sarah Gibson

If you're mooching about on the interwebz right now, chances are you're feeling a bit fed up with all the festive merriment. Sure, December is supposed to be the season of joy, but with so much cheer crammed down our throats this time of year, it's all too easy to become cynical about the whole Christmas shebang. Fortunately, you're not alone...

We've compiled an awesome Top 10 list of our all time favorite cynical quotes from Christmas movies, from Bad Santa to Charlie Brown. Take a look and tell us your favorite below!

Let's just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic. But others don't, and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen.

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, 2003

And if you see a sign that says 'Peep Show,' that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.

Santa Claus, Elf, 2003

Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?

Charlie Brown, A Charlie Brown Christmas, 1965

Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Santa Claus, Home Alone, 1990

The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work... The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. And that's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit...

Phoebe Cates, Gremlins, 1984

I shot Santa Claus in the face! He's real, and I shot him in the face!

Harold, A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, 2011

...And then they sit there and use subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! They make the kids feel like garbage and you, the father, who's working 24/7 delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment to a woman that slept with everybody at the post office, but me! And then when you get the toy, it breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic!

Myron Larabee, Jingle All the Way, 1996

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation, 1989

I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something. I don't know. Like I accomplished something.

Willie, Bad Santa, 2003

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!

Narrator, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 1966

Merry Christmas, everybody!



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