ByZac Kish, writer at
Cinematic rants of all shapes, sorts, sizes, and shapes again for good measure, because I know some of those are tricky. Like rhombuses. Rho
Zac Kish

Everybody knows that the entertainment business is a business of connections. Normally, when we say connections, though, we’re talking about liking to stick with a similar group of actors or the pact with the devil that undeniably has to keep making movies (unfounded, but is there really any other explanation?) However, when one actor works with a director who worked with an actress who made out with a producer who happened to have Sunday tea with the grandfather of a screenwriter who wrote the first actor’s most recent flick, we’re all realizing that everybody is connected to everybody. Furthermore, we’re also all wondering what the hell I’m writing about. Let’s take a peek at some of these absurd Hollywood connections:

When did the Godfather and the founder of Nike take on South African Apartheid together?

We all know the original Don Corleone, played by the wondrous in The Godfather (if you don’t… I can’t even finish this sentence, it depresses me too much). A lot of us probably also know Bill Bowerman, the founder of Nike, coach of Steve Prefontaine, and a man depicted by in Without Limits. What many people don’t know, however, is that the pair worked together on A Dry White Season in 1989, a drama about the struggles of a white man (Donald Sutherland) fighting against the racial oppression against blacks in South Africa. Ol’ Bill hires the Don as a lawyer and rages against a broken system. With the speed of the great Prefontaine and the greatest of the five families, I’d say this is an offer South Africa can’t refuse.

How does the X-Men franchise connect to the Mission: Impossible franchise sexually… and where does the Hulk factor into it?

Most of us have probably seen enough naked for a lifetime in True Blood. However, it was no vampire she was touching tongues with as she mixed with the villain from MI:3, . Hoffman joined Paquin (who played Rogue in the X-Men movies) in 's 25th Hour, where Hoffman’s character has an infatuation with one of his high school students, played by Paquin. The two happen to be in a club at the same time during ’s character’s last night before he’s off to jail for seven years in a not so incredible fashion. In the midst of the night, a drunk Hoffman then sloppily slips his tongue into a drugged-up Paquin’s gap tooth—I mean mouth (blegh!).

When was there a love triangle between Velma from Scooby-Doo, Harry Osbourne, and Marshall from HIMYM?

One of the biggest opening roles had was in ’s one-season-wonder, Freaks and Geeks. In the series, James Franco (who played Harry Osbourne in the original Spidey trilogy) plays a stoner named Daniel Desario, who hangs out with the likes of and (Marshall from How I Met Your Mother). Daniel attracts a former geek turned freak in ’s Lindsay Weir to join their group, who immediately falls for him while Segel’s character falls for her. However, it is a little known fact that little Miss Weir would go on to play Velma in the live action Scooby Doo and Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Jinkies, Marshall, it’s the Hobgoblin!

We all really wish Will Ferrell was in The Dark Knight trilogy… right?

One heart-warming story, one heart-wrenching story: one involves elves, the other involves a greeting card writer. In Elf, plays a lovable human who grows up at the North Pole and searches for his father in New York City when he realizes he is not actually an elf. What he finds is more than just his father, but love in the form of ’s Jovie. Not her only girl-next-door role, Deschanel also plays Summer in 500 Days of Summer opposite one , in a dual performance that still has me sniffling. But, yes, we have our Robin John Blake. A couple footsteps away and we’d have Buddy the Elf asking Bane what his favorite color is.

In what film do a villain from The Matrix and a villain from Iron Man 3 work together?

See if you can figure this one out in the comments.


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