Stoke the fires and unfurl the dragons, because Game of Thrones is back. The Season 7 premiere of HBO's "A Song Of Ice and Fire" saga may have got off to a slow and snowy start, but it looks to be full steam ahead in the coming six episodes. However, away from our fan-favorites like the face-wielding Arya Stark and blonde bombshell Daenerys, there was a surprise newcomer for the "Best Performance" award.
Warning: spoilers ahead for the Game of Thrones Season 7 premiere
Riding the waves of controversy from last season, #PilouAsbæk's Euron Greyjoy left Season 6 feeling a little damp and fans were rightly underwhelmed by the promise of the formidable pirate. However, sporting a new chop, Euron was back in the #GameofThrones premiere in an attempt to woo the venomous Queen Cersei. The salty seaman vowed not to return to King's Landing until he had earned Cersei's affection and promised a very special wedding present. So, with his eyes on the prize, just how is Euron intending on bringing home the bacon?
Let's not beat around the bush, Cersei has a fair few enemies in the Seven Kingdoms. However, as Tyrion Lannister twists the knife a little further and shacks up with the Mother of Dragons, does the leading Lannister lady really hate anyone more than her brother right now? Not only responsible for the deaths of both her parents, the Imp has escaped her clutches one too many times.
The promo for next week's "Stormborn" suggests that Daenerys' new fleet intends on attacking King's Landing, but we can't see her resting on her laurels in Dragonstone while others do her dirty work. So, if the entirety of Team Dany is setting sail once more, that would mean Tyrion is right in the firing line of Euron's navy. After escaping with help of Jaime, we have seen little Lord Tyrion have a better time of late, but winning over the Queen by returning her favorite prisoner, well, that sounds like a good idea to me.
However, what's better than half a man? How about a whole dragon. The various trailers and promos have shown that an epic battle at sea is coming our way, which also contains some major scenes of fire and destruction, and it sounds like Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion will have a part to play in Dany vs. Euron. A major part of the books that we have sadly missed on HBO's show, is a mythical item called "Dragonbinder."
In #GeorgeRRMartin's novels, the Valyrian horn has the power to control dragons, but becomes particularly influential in the climax of the fifth book. Although the character may be missing from the show, A Dance With Dragons sees Euron's brother, Victarion Greyjoy, heading to Meereen with Dragonbinder. The Greyjoy army have high hopes of securing Daenerys and her flying friends for Euron, but what if the plan is reversed for Cersei? Dragonbinder may be MIA (so far), but who knows what the big bad ocean holds for the upcoming season.
The promo for "Stormborn" also shows that raunchy LGBT kiss between Yara Greyjoy and Ellaria Sand. We already know that Cersei wants Ellaria's blood for killing Myrcella, while Euron is none-too-fond of his niece Yara. Quite literally killing two birds with one stone, presenting Ellaria and Yara as a peace offering to Cersei is sure to curry favor.
The Season 7 trailers have also shown Alfie Allen's Theon Greyjoy looking on in horror at the prow of a flaming ship. Safe to say, it looks like it won't be plain sailing for Dany's seafaring supporters when they go up against the nautical might of Euron, and we fully expect at least one of the Greyjoy kids to bow out before the season does. Also note that both Ellaria and Yara got a namedrop from Cersei in the premiere, so surely she wants them out of the way before she moves onto the big fish like Daenerys and Jon?
Bonus - His Massive C*ck
But why should we take the gift in such a literal sense, perhaps Euron is wrapping something else in a big red bow? Back when Euron was making goo-goo eyes at Daenerys, the King of Salt and Rock claimed that we would snare Dany with the use of his massive c*ck. While neither the Mother of Dragons or Cersei are unlikely to won over by a "little chap," who knows. With Cersei's entire Lannister brood nothing more than dust in the Earth, surely she has hopes of repopulating the bloodline somehow. While brother Jaime is the likeliest contender, a virile young buck like Euron could produce the nastiest kid around since Jon Snow hung Olly.
Whatever happens, expect Euron to make good on his promise and secure a deadly alliance between the Salt Throne and the Iron Throne. Asbæk has already teased that he will become the "new" Ramsay Bolton, and shoring-up a marriage with Cersei is one hell of a step toward taking that mantle.
The Great Sept of Baelor may be destroyed, but can you hear the faint chiming of wedding bells? We ALL know how a wedding goes down on Game of Thrones. Either way, we better start praying to the old god and the new, because whoever Euron presents at the feet of Cersei as she sits her bony backside on that uncomfortable chair is sure to be in for a "Mountain" of trouble.
Check out the trailer for "Stormborn" and don't forget our poll below!