ByScott Pierce, writer at
Yell at me on Twitter: @gingerscott. Managing Editor at Moviepilot.
Scott Pierce

The Muppets haven't always been lighthearted. Even though we have Kermit's perpetual leadership, sometimes the Muppets tackle serious topics. In Muppets Most Wanted, there's a new villain that isn't joking around. His name is Constantine and he's Kermit's evil Russian doppelganger. I recently chatted with the mean amphibian about how to survive Siberian prison, whether or not he's here to make friends, and seducing pigs. It's the first time I've ever met and interviewed a Muppet. It was weird.

Hi, Constantine. Let me move this chair a bit.

You sit right on the trap door. Oh! You move the chair.

I have to avoid the trap door.

Move it a little back... Alright. Okay.

I'm trying to gauge how terrified I should be.

Yes, you should be very terrified. Look at those people over there. They're sitting far away, cowering in corner because it's, uh, that's what I do.

How long have you been evil?

All my life, Scott. All my life.

Is it just the way you were born?

I think it's the cold, hard reality of life.

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in pond in Moscow.

Moscow ponds must be pretty cold.

Not all the time. But yes, it was cold.

Or made of vodka.

This pond had dirty water. It's the same old story of how you become evil. Everyone in my family, basically, was eaten by fish. When my legs grew, I came out onto land and I made decision.

So, when were you thrown into a Siberian prison?

This was fairly early on. I had many times in Siberian prison. I push old lady down on street. That was first time.

What did she do?

Nothing. Well, she screamed. She went, "Ow! Don't push me down!"

Is she okay now?

Who cares?

But you really developed a reputation in the prison.

You have to find the biggest guy there, you have to knock him down, you have to call him name, you have to steal his lunch, you have to make fun of him, and then, you know, you have to use intimidation. And then you become the prison king, really.

You actually got a crown made of forks. Was that your idea or just something that happens in prison?

I believe I took it from the biggest guy there. And then this became my crown.

How did you plan your escape?

I cannot tell you this. Come on, Scott. My plotting goes back a long time. I cannot tell you the details or the plotting of escaping from a gulag. If I should end up back in the gulag, I'm going to use the same escape because it worked, you know?!

But then you through Kermit in the prison because you pose as him.

Right. I do.

Do you feel any remorse?

No, it was in script. It was what I had to do. That is how the plot moved along.

But you would do that in regular life?

If I needed to, sure, yes! If I found myself in this kind of position where I had to take advantage of Muppets, yes, of course I would put Kermit back there in heartbeat.

You traveled all throughout Europe. What did you think of Germany, Spain, and England?

Eh. Cold! Hot! What's the other one? Ireland! Green. Very green. London was okay. You know, I'm basically very focused on my task at hand. When I'm evilly plotting I don't get to sightsee, if that's what you're asking. No sightseeing for Constantine!

What's your relationship like with Dominic Badguy?

Well, the thing is for longest time when we were filming movie, I think that he () is actually Dominic Badguy, Number 2. Then I realize one day - I say, "Number 2! Give me ice coffee, please!" He said, "Look, Constantine, I'm actually actor named Ricky Gervais." And I say, "What?" He blow my mind. Completely. And then I realize, even though I'm evil Russian frog named Constantine and I'm playing evil Russian frog named Constantine, maybe it is not the same for everybody in movie. They're playing character that is written in script for them.

Did you feel betrayed?

At first, I felt it was long line in double cross from him. But! At end of day, I appreciate his honesty with me. We have become friends.

Was Miss Piggy playing a role as well? Or do you actually swoop in and break her heart?

Yes, that was part of plot. I had to pretend to seduce pig and sing song to her. It was all part of plot. I have no care for pig.

Can you tell me about seducing Miss Piggy and singing her a song?

She is very gullible. You tell her what she want to hear and she is like bacon in your hands that you're putting on the little tray to then turn the oven on the broiler and then you open the oven door and you put the bacon in and then it sizzle. That's what she is like when you tell her what she wants. This is why Kermit never gets very far because he does not tell her what she wants to hear, but I for purposes of plot - I need her.

Do you actually have any real friends?

Now you are asking the hard question... No. I am a loner. You have really brought me down, Scott.

So, you want friends?

No! I cannot have friends! I am bad guy frog. You see the conflict here for me as bad guy frog in big moving picture? My face is everywhere now. I cannot just continue to evilly plot. I have to figure out alternative world for my life now. I may have to start making friends. Here in Hollywood, there must be friends for me! Someone that is similar-minded to me! Am sure there must be.

Evil people in Hollywood?

I don't know. What do you think? Do I fit in here?

I believe so. Yeah.

Good. I made a good choice when I bought that one-way ticket then.

But the Muppets have a really long history. What kind of mark do you want to make in the Muppet world besides being the most evil frog?

I feel I bring a different little kind of spice to the Muppets. They're all so goodie-goodie. I bring a little bit of, uh, ha-cha-cha. A little bit of edge. I say what is on my mind, Scott! Get a haicut! Shave the beard!

Maybe I'll do that later today.

No, keep it.

I've never been yelled at by a frog before.

Well, get used to it. I already stole show, The Bachelor.

I saw. Would you ever want to be The Bachelor?

I do not think so. You have to gather a lot of pigs to do that show. Frogs are very attracted to pigs for some reason.

Muppets Most Wanted will be in theaters March 21.

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