You Had Me At Hello
I wanted to break up by text (who wouldn't, after all), but I need to get this off my chest. Look, I get it. I was attracted to Fear The Walking Dead from the very beginning, mostly because of your big bro, The Walking Dead. That show has everything — horror, gore galore, strong characters, interesting plots, the whole 9 yards. So when I heard that the creators of TWD were going to do a companion series, Fear The Walking Dead, set at the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, I was down! I was sooo stoked. You were like the new girl in school, walking down the hall with everyone's eyes on YOU. And you came from the same brain-trust as TWD. So what could go wrong? Answer: plenty.
Season 1: After-School Special With Walkers
Season 1 of FTWD was a major bummer. Given the creators' pedigree, you would have thought that this kinda prequel showing the start of the zombie apocalypse would at least be watchable. Eh, not so much. If all the crazy sh*t that was depicted in the first season actually happened to a normal person, I would think you would get SOME kind of reaction — shock, horror, fear — but these characters all had flat, dull, boring reactions like they were looking at a yule log on Christmas Eve.
It played like a bad after-school special family drama with a clueless, absent father, an insufferably bitchy mother, and teens who act out in idiotic ways. I've never seen a show where ALL the leads were so patently unlikable. In general, you want to root for the cast, want them to find a way to survive and grow as characters. I watched all six episodes of the first season and I can honestly say I wanted ALL of the core family group to get eaten by the walkers in the most horrific way possible — they were THAT bad.
However, I was still in the thrall of TWD, so I tried to overlook the major negatives and really give the show a chance. You were the pretty girl who was a stone cold bitch, but I hung on, hoping that one day you would be nicer to me. So when we took a break between Seasons 1 and 2, I thought the time apart would bring us closer together. Boy, was I wrong!
It's Not Me, It's YOU
Season 2 started on a yacht and was — to put it mildly — waterlogged from the start. You can read my take here. That started the downward spiral.
I'm Just Not That Into You
Have you ever dated someone who you thought was cool at the beginning, but as you got to know them you realized that they were VERY annoying and pretty stupid? Well, that's what happened here. FTWD "looks" good as far as the cinematography goes, and the walkers are on par with big bro TWD, but the cast is SO unlikable, and the writing is so atrocious, that I started to question my commitment. You can track my gradual disenchantment here. Or here. Oh yeah, here too. You get the drift.
How To Lose A Show In 10 Days
I was pretty sure I was gonna tap out soon on FTWD, but sometimes you get into a routine and it's just easier to keep with the status quo. After all, it's a summer show, and not much else is on, so I talked myself into thinking that it was OK to keep the FTWD relationship going. But alas, I have a confession to make.
This Is Where I Leave You
The truth is, I've been unfaithful. I've had a side piece for almost the entire run of FTWD. But it's time that I come clean: I've had a hot and heavy thing going on with Z Nation for a long time.
I know it's hard to take, but Z Nation has been there for me when you haven't. The show is FUN, sexy, violent, hilarious, and totally cray cray. Z Nation has everything that you don't — great characters that I actually care about, killer plot-lines, crazy and imaginative zombies, and an actual end game. Protecting "The Murphy" (the only living human to survive a zombie bite) and trying to deliver him to the CDC so they can engineer a cure and save the world gives Z Nation the focus that you lack. And unlike you, FTWD, Z Nation has SMART characters who navigate the zombie apocalypse like a normal, thinking person would. Oh, and it has something amazing that never occurred to you. What is it? Two words:
So I think it's best that we make a clean break, FTWD. I'm with Z Nation now. In the words of the immortal Bob Dylan, "You just kind of wasted my precious time, but don't think twice, it's all right." Have a nice afterlife.
The Walking Dead still reigns supreme. Watch the video below to see all the reasons why The Walking Dead is still the best show on TV:
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