Remember Jaws? Of course you do. That movie singlehandedly made an entire generation afraid to go near any water source, be it a swimming pool or toilet. Hell, I’m still afraid of open water after watching it. Jaws has become a staple in the horror and thriller categories, which explains why numerous movies have tried to ride its coattails of success. On the subject of riding coattails, with the coming of that 'shark tornado' movie, aptly named Sharknado, I thought that looking at the shark genre in general could provide some laughs, since there’s been a plethora of low-budget killer-shark movies over the last few decades.
During my research, I found that a lot more movies were made about sharks that I could have imagined. According to Wikipedia, which was the extent of my “research,” there are currently 40 killer-shark movies in circulation; that is about 39 too many. Most of them are just laughably terrible: Dinoshark, Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus, Sand/Snow/Swamp Shark... and that’s a small portion of them. It’s crazy thinking that most of these have a budget of over $1 million because it doesn’t seem possible that they could make back their large budgets and actually turn a profit. So, if these movies cost so much and are made for TV, why make them at all? They must be jumping-off points for entry-level CGI makers to showcase their talents without the help of a major movie studio.
And they totally nailed that one...
I’ll be honest and admit that I have seen a fair deal of these, but does anyone really care about a two-headed shark or sharktopus? I swear those are the creations of a drunk man. “Hey, how about we have, let’s make a jaws, but, hear me out, with two heads. It’s, it’s going to, it’s gonna be awesome. And while we’re, while we’re doing that, let’s make a, this is awesome, make a jaws with a, a octopus body. Maybe he can, he could fight a giant alligator, like a really giant jaws-like alligator. Or, or how, how about we just screw the water and make them swim in sand, like, like a jaws in the sand.” That went on for too long, but, yeah, I’m pretty positive that’s how their movie-creating meetings go.
Even though I can find some entertainment in these films, we have to face the fact that there hasn't been a decent shark movie in over 30 years, so it’s about time we stop trying and let the sharks die.
I can’t believe I just wrote about shark movies…
Do you guys and gals think these movies should still be made?