ByJonathan J Moya, writer at
Movie loving owner of a fashion boutique.
Jonathan J Moya

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug opens December 17th and the final marketing blitz is just beginning. Five new banners and a pretty awesome trailer have been released.

What is creating that mixture of wonder and dread on Gandalf's face? Could it be him seeing in a moment of clairvoyance the future grosses of Thor: The Dark World and wondering and wondering if his little band of elves and hobbits could do better? Could it be the horrible sight of a naked Bilbo climbing a mountain hand in hand with Gollum, in a "Precious" ceremony? Or could it be that the new makeup on him , designed to make him look decades younger by a wrinkle or two is really Botox and this is a permanent side effect?

The vision will be explained when The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug opens December 13th.

I know putting Martin Freeman front and center on this banner is a contractual obligation, but his being the point man puts the other background characters in a cowardly light. This sheet is a slight Photoshop fail that makes me think which of these awkwardly posed heroes is going to be the first victim of the Giant Spiders of the Mirkwood Forest.

Bard the Bowman (Luke Evans) takes a low aim in an attempt to kill his first rat. Bard uses his impeccable archery skills in a sideline "exterminator" job that helps fund the expedition to reclaim their lost homeland from Smaug the dragon. And if you believe a word of this I have a Misty Mountain I would like to sell to you cheap!

One of the back-stabbers in the background is the Master of Laketown (Stephen Fry), Bard's former BFF.

Thranduil (Lee Pace) the Elven King shows off his striking resemblance to his son Legolas (Orlando Bloom), his stern face and even sterner eyebrows. I can see him and Galadriel (Cate Blanchett) making a great Royal Pair. Are Elven ears additional sex organs?

The latest trailer for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug has the world's wealthiest dragon (currently holding the number 2 spot on Forbes annual list of the world's richest fictional characters) speak in reverberating Benedict Cumberbatch-nees. Smaug's voice is heavy on the menace and sibilant "S" hissing, but he sure speaks and sounds like what everyone expects an ancient evil drake to snarl like.

Other observations, good, bad and indifferent on the trailer:

Pale skin tall folks look great in long flowing hair and elfin ears.

Orlando Bloom and Evangeline Lilly look hot together and fight even hotter. Also all scenes with Bloom in them where filmed ten years ago when the Rings trilogy came out. The dude doesn't look like he has aged a day.

The worst archer in The Hobbit is ten times better than Katniss on a good day.

Orlando Bloom, Cate Blanchett, Lee Pace and Evangeline Lilly were all born to plays Elves.

Beorn the skin-changer is going to be a crowd favorite.

Only in Middle Earth would Gandalf being taken so seriously. Anywhere else he would be just another homeless person in need of some new clothes.

Everyone can climb mountains higher than Everest and not pass out from lack of oxygen.

People of Middle Earth always speak in hush, solemn tones and never smile unless they are a Hobbit or a dwarf.

Hobbits can survive a dragon's fire because they are small and very hard to hit.

This movie is going to be amazing!

For more posters, trailers, reviews, entertainment news and commentaries see my blog.


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