ByEvan Lee, writer at
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." -Charlie Chaplin .
Evan Lee

I'm really hungry! Time to use my super-speed to get some Chinese food!

This is the article for Pros & Cons about becoming a superhero! So you want to be a superhero? Before you get started I need to give you a short but reasonable list of Pros & Cons on becoming a superhero, let us begin!


Nice Outfit Bro: The costume - tight, butt-itching, the suit that defines you as a hero! (Takes in a deep breath of fresh air) "Ahh, can you smell the roses now champ?" I bet you do because as a superhero you get to rock some nice outfits, hell you even get to wear your underwear on the outside! Check out my pair -

Badass Super-Powers: From flying, super-strength, shooting freaking laser beams, super-speed, turn people into different colors, slow down time, moonwalk and slow down time (repeating powers)! All cool powers that will come in handy in everyday life as a hero! But the best power is fanboy power, "what's that?" You may be asking yourselves, well it's the powers from all your fans so whenever someone compares you to another superhero you automatically win because your fanboys will never let you lose! Think about Batman vs. Superman.

Nice Biceps Douchebag: Muscles! One of the greatest PROS about becoming a superhero is looking really good with an exaggerated body. With muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger you're sure to get all the ladies and vice-versa for the women, who knows, some men may like a She-Hulk.

Dorky-Fun Names: The key to becoming a GREAT Superhero is having a stupid name but it's still fun to say like Iron-Man ("We all know you're not made out of Iron"), Spider-Man ("I hate spiders, kill them all!"), Batman ("Oooh no! I'm going to be so scared of a loser dressed up as a Bat, get out of here.") or Superman ("I hate you with a passion..") Remember pick a catchy, dorky, fun, stupid name and please don't make a mistake with your name or citizens might not take you seriously -


Fanboys: These guys can be awesome because they definitely make up for your sales in stores, BUT they're annoying as hell! If you really want the ladies then it's a NO, the only love you're getting is a greasy, sweaty, socially awkward fan all over your nice costume, drooling and quoting every line you've ever said! I guess be thankful that they're paying you to be a Superhero, one more thing, they're pretty embarrassing to be around..for some odd reason they enjoy dressing up as you but they look nothing like you?

Everyone is a hypocrite: It would seem nice to imagine everyone loves you but that's far from the truth. On the low all the citizens talk mad sh*t about you if you get into a fight with an alien that happens to throw you through the city which leads to you almost destroying the entire city. "Excuse me people but city vs the whole world?" Quit complaining it's only a few blocks of destroyed buildings. Listen future superhero you need to understand that everyone is going to say they "love you" but once you break their car while trying to save their life they throw a tantrum! Just do your job, try not to break anything too much and the people will love you! Like this guy:

No one likes a boy-scout: Correction quite a few fanboys like a boy-scout (Superman) but that's not you dude! You're better than that, alright! If you're too happy and jolly you come off looking like a douche, that's a no-no. It's ok to be happy but show other emotions and please don't make creepy smiles all the time, smile for the children but show some edge (maybe a kill a little bit), or not. The thing is if you're too happy it makes you look fake and if you're always angry you look yourself, relax.

Maybe my list sucks, maybe it rules, who cares about my opinion I'm just a dude drinking a milkshake.

Put on a cape and be a Superhero (with edge)!!

B*tch move out the way!
B*tch move out the way!




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