ByJon Negroni, writer at Creators.co
I'm from around here. Twitter: @JonNegroni Official: jonnegroni.com
Jon Negroni

When I watched the first trailer for DIVERGENT back in...uh whenever the first one came out, I had no knowledge whatsoever about this franchise and why Shailene-I-need-to-smell-my-upper-lip-but-I-can't-because-I'm-on-camera-Woodley was actually the star.

Some time after I ignored the trailer and despised it, I sat with a friend who explained the books to me and why they are popular enough to warrant a movie trilogy.

What? Hollywood is open to making movies based on young adult books now?

She even proceeded to give me an exact explanation on what actually happens, including how it all ends.

So after watching this last trailer for DIVERGENT, I was able to actually follow along and break down what's happening in the most sarcastic way possible. Let's diverge into some trailery goodness together.

Let's get started...

In the opening moments, our hero Tris Prior (played by Woodley) narrates an exposition that really only requires one sentence (as seen above). There were bunches of wars 100 years ago, so society decided to peace things together with some good 'ol fashioned racial profiling. Only, the races aren't based on races; they're based on personality. It gives PC Police an entirely new meaning.

Oh yes, Kate-why-did-you-throw-that-necklace-in-the-ocean Winslet is in this and wears the bluest dress in movie history. She explains (powerfully) how survival is dependent on being super segregated.

Oh, and Ashley Judd is in this:

At least that's how the real Tris Beforehand would have answered. But no, she's scared (obviously) as she now has to say goodbye to her family and be tested for which faction she will have to join.

Tris proceeds to dive tackle the dog because animal cruelty, but the duo falls to the floor Shadowcat style. Tris then awakens from her slumber to find out that she is DIVERGENT, which means she fits into more than one category due to her ability to "shut off" her fear and tackle wise-cracking mutts. This is all explained by Maggie Q:

Meanwhile, Ashley Judd returns to reiterate what Maggie Q just said.

She explains (again) that Tris can't fit into just one category, and being Divergent puts you on the "gotta die" list. This trailer isn't too generous with the details.

So Tris has to join a faction to hide in. Since this is supposed to be an action movie, she foregoes joining up with the dudes who can't lie in favor of the butt-kicking Dauntless. This means her initiation involves jumping into a pit. You know, like college.

- Said every human being watching this trailer.

I'm actually impressed that the trailer waited a full 1.22 minutes before throwing dauntless instructor Four (played by Theo James) at us.

So Tris joins up with the Dauntless, the faction that is known for bravery and combat. The trailer doesn't explain this, but the Dauntless make up the enforcement of this alternate society, while the faction that Tris comes from (Abnegation) is the selfless faction that makes up the government leadership.

The obvious struggle here is that Tris has to learn to control her "fear" button if she doesn't want to get made.

Interestingly, this trailer doesn't show much of Tris's relationship with the other initiates, including Peter, who you will probably hate.

In order for Tris to avoid becoming "factionless" (which is bad, I guess), she has to rank among the top 10 initiates.

But the trailer doesn't get into all that. Instead, it focuses on Four's tattoos.

Weirdly, the slew of actions scenes ends with a slow-mo of Tris breaking out of a water cage made out of glass. OK?

Though I'm keen on giving this film a chance (knowing the end doesn't matter much to me), I have to just ask this question in the hopes that someone, somewhere will answer:

Why do people like Shailene Woodley?

DIVERGENT hits select theater factions (not really) March 21st, 2014.

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