There are three types of people who watched this trailer.
There's the "I can't wait for this movie because I like good films" crowd, and then there's the "I am the most negative person in the world, so hear me roar" chunk of trailer-viewers.
Oh, and then there's the "Is that the Parks and Recreation guy?" crowd that has no idea what's going on.
Anyway, it's my job to make sure you've watched this trailer and digested every significant ounce of it without taking it too seriously, a task that some of you may find difficult because this trailer does not take itself seriously.
Someone high up in Marvel essentially said, "Hey, remember when we broke all of the rules with the Avengers franchise and made all of the money? Well, let's continue to make phenomenal decisions about how we handle the integration of comic books with pop culture. Let's make Guardians of the effing Galaxy cool."
So, that's what they're trying to do with this trailer. Let's watch and discuss.
Hopefully, that was at least your 23rd viewing. It's time to overanalyze (with screencaps!)
Hey look, it's Star Lord! For those of you who don't know him, think Han Solo meets...well, that's it actually.
The trailer begins, as you can see, within what appears to be an ancient temple or tomb. The tiny death star you're seeing there is most likely one of the six Infinity Gems (the tesseract from Avengers and the Aether from Thor 2 being two of them), which will likely be the major plot thread for the movie.
A couple of space cops break in and demand that Star Lord surrender his new infinite power orb. Do I smell space bacon?
We wish. Instead, he reveals his identity to be "legendary outlaw" Star Lord, but Space Commissioner Gordon is not impressed. Cue awesome soundtrack!
We switch to a prison, where staff actually decided to make John C. Reilly the prisoner announcer. Yeah, that will have consequences.
What you're seeing is the Nova Corps, Marvel's version of the Green Lanterns. Reilly is playing one of the centurions, but the leader of the corpse, Commander Rael (played by Glenn Close) isn't in this trailer.
If you really know your Marvel, or at least the Ultimate Spider-Man animated series that's airing right now, you'll notice that these space cops resemble Nova AKA Richard Rider, a superhero in the Marvel Universe. These are basically his besties.
Drax (AKA Drax the Destroyer) doesn't really have a catchphrase as far as I know, but I like to think the fictional character has thought this internally. He's played by WWE's Dave Bautista.
Nova John C. Reilly explains that Drat-ks is essentially the Space version of the God of War (not just by appearance, either). He's been seeking vengeance across the galaxy for the death of his family, or something. Or he's seeking vengeance against the galaxy; Reilly doesn't really elaborate.
Next we meet the movie's token Green alien (classic politically correct Hollywood, right?), Gamora. She's played by Star Trek's Zoe Saldana, except this time, she's a ruthless assassin/murderer instead of boring.
In fact, one of her nicknames in the comics is: The Most Dangerous Woman In The Universe. If GOTG had a marketing team worth their salt, she would be knee deep in Dos Equis commercials this summer.
It's a bit criminal how glossed over Rocket Raccoon is in this trailer. We don't even get to hear his voice or meet Lylla, his otter girlfriend.
Originally, Rocket Raccoon's character is a pirate on a crew of talking animals in space. It's about as interesting as it sounds.
As Nova Reilly explains, Groot is basically Rocket's BFF/Plant Bodyguard. He's nearly invincible, and has a lot of the same properties of a Pokemon (he can only say his name).
Last, we have Peter Jason Quill, a human (from Earth) who is lost in space, basically. As you can tell from his casting choice and dialogue, he's the comic relief and leading man, which is fine hopefully.
This is actually kind of sad because Quill's walkman is his only connection to Earth. Uncool space guard! You don't mess with someone else's music, not even in space action comedies.
Here's a close-up of Quill's ship, the Milano. I appreciate the fact that this movie is going to great lengths to maintain a colorful set palette compared to the usual black/chrome/overly futuristic scenery we've been beat over the head with in sci-fi.
If you blink, you'll miss this quick shot of Star Lord/Quill with his helmet on, but you can clearly see the double gun action. Oh, and this film is directed by James Gunn, in case I forgot to mention that.
Remember space commissioner? His name is Korath the Pursuer, and he's a member of the Kree race (they show up a lot in Marvel comics). He's called the pursuer because he can literally track anyone, and he's one of the main henchman of the movie's villain, Ronan the Accuser.
I'd watch this spin-off.
Here, you can see the only scene any of us actually care that much about. Seriously, just give us an entire trailer of these two.
This is Nebula. She's pretty much the Britta of GOTG.
Played by Doctor Who's Karen Gillan, Nebula is a ridiculously evil space pirate who is obsessed with Thanos (remember the guy from the end credits of Avengers?) Her main foe in this trailer appears to be Gamora Sodom, but we'll get to that.
Also, how in the world is she not being played by Raven (That's So Raven) Symone? Zeetus Lupeetus!
You know, if Drax was a character in Super Smash Bros. He basically has the strength of the Hulk, but no big deal.
Gamora and Nebula have an interesting current to their rivalry. They're both ruthless, but their relationship with Thanos differs. Gamora's entire race was wiped out by the Badoon (who also killed Quill's mom), and she was adopted by Thanos. Nebula is weirdly jealous of their relationship.
Here we have what is probably our only shot of the main villain, Ronan the Accuser. I'm guessing this is him because of the hold he has on Drax of all people.
(Bob Saget voice) Kids, you remember the Collector? At the end of Thor: The Dark World, the Asgardians gave him the Aether for safekeeping because whatever. He's played by Benicio Del Toro, which is way cooler than your name.
Why does he never wear his helmet?
And the action scenes finish to show us a close-up of...
...to the tune of Blue Swede's "Hooked on a Feeling." This is easily in my top 5 trailer endings of all time.
A lot of hate toward this trailer comes from how goofy the presentation is. People are claiming to be turned off by the comedy and humor that is front and center for this trailer.
But what they're not getting is that the point is for this movie to be fun, not just ridiculous. How else can you get away with a movie about a talking raccoon teaming up with a tree voiced by Vin Diesel?
Personally, the trailer did a lot to build up some much-needed excitement for this risky experiment. It showed off the beautiful imagery and diversity of the characters, though it focused mainly on Star Lord in favor of the other guardians.
Naturally, you can expect future trailers and spots to further explore the rest of the characters, as well as how the Infinity Gems will tie this film in with Phases 2 and 3 of the Avengers.
Guardians of the Galaxy hits theaters August 1, 2014