OH.MY.GOD. I must have been a really good girl this year because all of my Christmases just came at once in a sweet, inky tide of mockery. The truest G in the playcentre had all of his terrible boo boos documented after his latest arrest, and the good officers at Miami Beach PD were kind enough to share the booty.
We all owe these brave officers our eternal gratitude. Not only did they have to be in such close proximity to the toxic Bizzle, they also gave us an exhaustive map of Justin Bieber's implausibly terrible ink.
It is one of my greatest pleasures in life that money can't buy you taste... Or a good tattoo artist, so it is with exceptional glee that I present you this gallery of lifelong gaffes.
1. Any ideas?
I have been furiously rotating my computer and pressing this troubling image into my long suffering colleagues faces, but we are still none the wiser. Is it a bird? Is it an anvil? Is it a cow skull that has been flattened with a steam roller? I JUST DON'T KNOW!
2. Roman NO-murals
Badass B-to-the-izzle got this set of Roman numerals to represent his beloved mother, Pattie Mallette. Pattie might be praying until her hands fuse together to cure Justin's douchebaggery, but it clearly isn't having the desired effect. Instead of doing his homework and getting moma Bieb's date of birth correct (MCMLXXV), the boy wonder instead went for an more ummmmm improvised effort.
3. Rad ramekin bro!
I think we can safely assume this one is meant to be a crown. To be fair, it is probably one the most recognisable scrawls on Bieber's fleshy canvas. Alas, it does look a lot more like one of those fancy napkin rings that only Goop Paltrow, and people over 70 use. A tasteless one at that.
4. Big chief wonky face
I think I will let big chief wonky face do the talking here.
5. Your own laughable Jesus
'Why me?' said Jesus as he sighed and desperately rolled his sarcastic eyes to the heavens. Even this dude seems to be all out of forgiveness.
6. Eye believe this was a mistake
The way the word "BELIEVE" is etched in the esteemed 'bored-in-class-high-school-journal-'98' font lends this tattoo a certain gravitas that is only surpassed by the unfortunate placement of the eye. Eye believe this knight looks like an armor clad jellybaby and eye really don't like it.
7. The high jester of sizzup
If you have ever doubted Bieber is on the sizzup, this tattoo is concrete proof.
As if that wasn't enough laughter at one person's expense, there is also this picture of a frightened chipmunk trying to dress up in person's clothes for added LOLZ.
I would bless his little cotton socks... but he appears to be too street to wear them these days.
So guys, here is the all important question! Which of the Justin Bieber tattoo travesties had you trembling with laughter the most. Wonky face wins for me every time!