As a proud bearer of the Bacon name, spreading the joy and the wonder that is Kevin Bacon is a duty bestowed upon me... by myself.
'The Bacon' has enjoyed a long and juicy career, one of the depressingly few celebrities to maintain a seemingly healthy marriage, with a humble 78 film credits and a fan base like no other.
Here are 5 sizzlingly good reasons why Kevin Bacon is the ultimate Bacon.
Reason 1: He is Timeless.
Store bought bacon, though delicious, eventually transforms into poisonous meat mould if left unattended. But not Kevin, he ages like a fine wine, evolving into a more delicious version of himself each time. Here our friend Kevin explains the 80's to 'the millennials' (those unfortunate humans born in the 2000's).
Reason 2: Google has deemed him 'The Centre of the Universe'
And in Google search we trust! The meat product version, however, is simply...
Not much of a competition, really.
Reason 3: 6 degrees
It only takes 6 degrees to get sizzlingly close to Kevin. The '6 degrees of Kevin Bacon' game is renowned throughout the western and drunken world, and is unparalleled in fun-ness. It even has its own wikipedia page.
The notoriety of the trivia game led Bacon (Kevin) to start a charity called sixdegrees.org, built around the idea of the 'small world phenomenon', giving individuals an opportunity to create and sustain charitable social networks:
You’ve probably heard of the Six Degrees concept. Any one person (including me, Kevin Bacon) is connected to any other person through six or fewer relationships, because it’s a small world. SixDegrees.org is about using this idea to accomplish something good. It’s social networking with a social conscience.
Wow, way to use your powers for good, Kev! Meanwhile, the edible bacon still remains the after product of this guy:
Reason 4: Food Bacon would have been terrible in Footloose
Footloose was a breakout role for young Kevin; we discovered his versatility as an acting and dancing sensation. Meat bacon just doesn't make the cut....
Reason 5: There's no Fak'n Kevin Bacon
Imitation bacon meat has been on the market for years; it's a taste sensation, minus the fat and dose of piggy slaughter. But there's just no laboratory or soy bean on earth that can replicate Kevin.
What say ye', Moviepilot? Convinced? Sound off in the comments and share if you want Kevin for President of the world!