Remember when you were 12-years-old and the idea of being in the Guinness Book of Records was unfathomably cool? Well, apparently Justin Bieber is still at that stage in his mental development.
Unlike other kids who have to make do with stacking cups, or jumping on a trampoline for 36 hours, Bizzle is old enough to do something jaw droppingly badass. Getting a tattoo. On a plane. Mind blown.
The inked ingrown toenail of Instagram teamed up with tattooist, Bang Bang to try and nab the Guinness World Record for the highest altitude tattoo, and the results are predictably saddening.
Bravely sacrificing his glossy pelt in the name of historical significance, Bieber got inked with a gothic cross on his chest and the word 'forgive' on his hip. The first installation had me daydreaming of Mel C circa 1996, but the second piece is tying my mind in knots.
Who is asking for the forgiveness here? Is it Bang Bang begging to be pardoned for the shaky scrawl he has birthed? Is it Bieber directly appealing to me to turn the other cheek for having my retinas frazzled by the sight of his crab ladder? The confusion of it all.
The daring skywriting stunt was performed in a plane flying at 40,000 feet and Bang Bang is trying to get this momentous moment inscribed in the pages of history. The tattooist, who has also inked the likes of Rihanna and Katy Perry, said;
I’m trying to see if we broke a record because we filmed it and documented it, it would be a cool record to have broken, the highest altitude tattoo. I’ve heard that somebody did a tattoo on an airplane once, but normal airlines fly 33-35,000 feet and we were at 40,000 feet so I think we might have done the highest altitude tattoo ever. It was fun and we felt like we did something nobody had ever done
Bang Bang also took the time to salvage his prestige by explaining that that the questionable quality is the planes fault and nothing to do with his fair hand. He explained that;
It was really difficult. The plane was shaking, so it’s like trying to do a tattoo while you’re driving over rocks . . . and so I have to compensate and be so, so accurate
In Bang Bang's defence, I think the true culprit here is just the Biebs diabolical taste. With the exception of the unfortunately placed eye every single one of the tattoo toddler's inks are offensively bad. When the artist Justin Bieber is working with is capable of work like this;
It does make you wonder why he would want to be permanently decorated like a bored high school students journal after enduring double maths. The phrase 'money can't buy you taste' has never given me so much pleasure.
Bieber's tattoo collection is...
(Source: NY Daily News)