ByJancy Richardson, writer at Creators.co
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

The new Godzilla is a murky, scary, real monster movie. Heck, it's the frickin' Dark Knight of Kaiju films!

With that in mind, let's take a look back at when Godzilla wasn't quite so serious...and was happy to loan his likeness out for a quick marketing buck...

1. The Godzilla Bubble Blower

Now you know what happens when you blow his tail.
Now you know what happens when you blow his tail.

The winner of a 'how much plastic can we use for a simple bubble blower' contest?

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2. The Godzilla Water Shooter

Licensed or knock-off? You decide!
Licensed or knock-off? You decide!

Wait...does that mean...you can shoot... Godzilla pee?

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3. The 'Super Deformed Stamp Box'

It's super! It's deformed! It's full of stamps!
It's super! It's deformed! It's full of stamps!

Yes, that's actually what the product was called. 1994 was a great year for commerce.

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4. The 70's Transform-a-zilla

The early Transformers prototype?
The early Transformers prototype?

Like a reptilian Polly Pocket, Godzilla keeps his tools handily stored in his innards.

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5. The Godzilla Toilet Paper Dispenser

Godzilla says 'put the darn seat down!'
Godzilla says 'put the darn seat down!'

Because everyone wants to confront a giant scaly killing machine in the restroom.

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6. The Godzilla Electric Shaver

Godzilla, the best a man can get.
Godzilla, the best a man can get.

I'm not sure which end you're meant to put on your face; never a good sign for an implement with moving sharp bits.

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7. Godzilla Confetti

Here's a bag of green hole punches. $3, please.
Here's a bag of green hole punches. $3, please.

Yup. When you think 'Godzilla', you think 'confetti', right? Geek brides-to-be, take note.

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8. The Godzilla Candy Topper

Godzilla candy: made from actual monster.
Godzilla candy: made from actual monster.

Well, I guess no-one's gonna try and steal your candy with this fearsome beast on guard.

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9. The Official Godzilla Kewpie Mash-Up

Lock up your kids! Kewpzilla's on the loose!
Lock up your kids! Kewpzilla's on the loose!

Hmmm, I love Kewpie but this is not the most logical toy combination. Lion-O-Zilla? Jemzilla?

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10. The Best Godzilla Melon-Egg Ever

This melon is having a serious identity crisis.
This melon is having a serious identity crisis.

You have to admire the gall of anyone who'll sell you a melon telling you it'll hatch a real, live Godzilla. Has anyone had any success?

What would the new Godzilla - who definitely did not hatch from a watermelon - think about these mad products...?

Sources: Godzilla Movie News and Toho Kingdom

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