Seriously, some of the scariest stories are from the bible. There's a talking snake, Noah, people turning into salt, beatings, rats, locusts, pestilence, people talking about the end of the world, real wrath of God type stuff And that's just the old testament! In the sequel you have this guy that says he's the son of God invites all his buddies over for a nice Passover dinner and says here eat my flesh and drink my blood. I know ham wasn't allowed back then but couldn't he have at least put out a nice leg of lamb maybe? He was a shepherd for god sake. He get's brutally beaten and hung up to die. Then after he's put in a cave, been dead three days and sealed in with a boulder, he comes back to life and gets out of the cave!
No wonder there are so many scary movies based around Easter time! So to start with Let's go with this Festive little ditty about the resurrection
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter - The second coming is upon us, and Jesus has returned to earth. But before he can get down to the serious business of judging the living and the dead, he has to contend with an army of vampires that can walk in the daylight. Combining kung-fu action with biblical prophecy and a liberal dose of humor, the film teams the Savior with Mexican wrestling hero El Santos against mythological horrors and science gone mad, and also manages to address contemporary sexual politics. And did we mention that it's a musical?
I know you're saying "but Dave, Easter is about rabbits where are the bunny rabbits? tell us about the rabbits Dave, we will pet them and hug them and squeeze them and love them and we will call them George" Well Dammit Lenny sometimes you squeeze too hard so I'm just going to list a few names of scary rabbit movies so just look over there across the river Lenny and then look up a couple of these on the internet after I pull the trigger! There's Harvey, Donnie Darko, Kottentail, Peter Rottentail, and then there is "THE" giant rabbit movie that is on every Easter horror movie list (and I don't know why besides it's ridiculousness)
1972's Night of the Lepus - rabbits injected with hormones and genetically mutated blood resulting in a race of bloodthirsty, wolf-sized, man-, horse-, and cow-eating bunnies. Trust me the Killer rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is more terrifying but you do see the original Bones McCoy from Star Trek Check it out-
I guess all bunnies aren't such cute little critters after all. Which brings me to another Easter themed sequel that seems to make every list. Most likely because it was directed by a young Mick Garris. Of course I'm speaking of Critters 2- The Main Course. The Easter Bunny is actually a victim in this one too!. If you want to see what the 80's were like check this out I think the trailer says it all.
I know you want something a bit more modern. Something that cuts a little deeper. Yet you can't forget about those rabbits can you Lenny? Well here's one that you might like - When a sleazy con-man torments a mentally handicapped youngster who's obsessed with Easter, you get EASTER BUNNY, KILL KILL!
I know you want a little more old time catholic religion in your Easter slasher basket don't you? Well A tisket, A tasket here's your "Easter Casket" In Easter Casket, Dustin Mills taps into a uniquely cruel horror-comedy . There is no skimping on the nudity or ambition as we go from motel room to giant rabbit puppet attacking the city within the span of 80 minutes. If you like naked Catholics, killer Easter Bunnies, and a good time, Hippety Hoppety Easter here we come!
This year we've got something new for Easter Sunday in fact that's what it's called and yes it does have a serial killer with a Bunny mask on but he's dead and this time he's the one that's resurrected ! Not only that but he's being chased by former Maniac Cop-Robert Z'Dar!
Don't worry though the poster says "Everyone gets Eggsecuted" )Did they steal that line from Vincent Price's Eggman on TV's Batman?) The press release puts it this way-
As Easter quickly approaches, Northgate Pictures is proud to present the official teaser trailer for Easter Sunday. A gory love letter to the golden era of slasher movies, the indie film is written and directed by Jeremy Todd Morehead and stars horror legends Robert Z’Dar and Ari Lehman. Easter Sunday's dynamic cast boasts Robert Z’Dar, the iconic actor best known as Maniac Cop; Ari Lehman; the first actor to portray Jason Voorhees in the original Friday the 13th; and indie veterans Edward X. Young (Mr. Hush) and Shawn C. Phillips (Ghost Shark). They join a number of promising up-and-comers including Paige Taylor, Christine Galbraith, William Bozarth, Jon McKoy, and Travis Marion.
So there you have it some tasty Easter treats to watch while you gorge yourself on leftover Ham and candy now that Lent is finally over. I'm sure there's more so tell me your favorites below. Hop a long now kids.